Just a Little Minute

Hello, My Friend, It Sure Has Been Awhile

2010-10-06T22:13:00.000-05:00

(For those of you playing along at home, YES. I did just title this blog post with the first line of a legendary Nelson song. You are welcome to worship me.)

So, holy crap. Having 2 kids is WAY more time consuming than having one. It's exponential, not double. Yes, all of you who have 2 children are saying, "Duh." I do not know how parents of 3 or more children function. Now that Henry is 4 months old, I thought it was time to get back in the swing of my blog.

First, the First Grader.
Ben. Ben. Ben. Ben who has already racked up 4 sick days this quarter and will have number 5 tomorrow. We made it all the way through Kindergarten without a single illness. This year? Strep and a stomach virus. I think he must be kissing more girls or something....

He likes learning his spelling words each week and is a wiz at math (clearly genetic from his father, not his mother). This week, we found out that Ben needs reading glasses. He looks very handsome but much older. He's not thrilled with the idea, but I think he'll come around. I hope. There are few things more stubborn than Ben when he makes up his mind...

Then, the Benevolent Dictator known as "Henry". He is darling. And, I'm starting to see a little bit of resemblance to his big brother. His recent accomplishments include rolling over from back to front, playing in his exersaucer, and "eating"
rice cereal. Most of all, he kills time with me until Ben comes home from school each day. He thinks Ben is the coolest, funniest, best thing ever. The rest of us are just here for decoration.

I have said to several people that it's a good thing Ben was first or there wouldn't have been a second. Don't get me wrong, I love Henry, but whoooooooo doggies is he high strung. He likes things how he likes them when he likes them. I have absolutely NO IDEA where that comes from. (Although my mom did say, "I think Hank is going to be more like you." Ummmm...yeah.)

"But, Heather," you say, "What do you do with your days? I mean, you don't WORK..." When I'm not enjoying sitting on the couch eating bon bons, I'm the room parent for Ben's classroom, heading up a couple of committees for the PTA (aren't you surprised?), attending Stroller Strides classes with Henry, and spending lots of time in the evenings wondering where the hell the day has gone. I am also catching up on television programming from 1 to 4AM since Henry frequently wakes up to visit in the middle of the night. I'm sure I do other things, but I honestly am thinking, "hmmm... What DO I do all day? Facebook? Well, not ALL day. I drive. A lot. I yell at people in the school parking lot. Hmmmmmm..."

First Grade

2010-08-18T14:14:00.000-05:00

Yesterday was a day of "firsts". Among the firsts we experienced yesterday:
* FIRST time we've been up and out of the house before 8AM in months
* FIRST time I've had to leave the house before 8AM ---and--- get myself presentable, Henry presentable, and Ben presentable in less than 3 hours.
* FIRST day at the new Highlands Elementary.
* FIRST day in FIRST grade
* FIRST time Ben has been asleep before 9pm in as long as I can remember

(Did you know if you type "first" a bunch of times it starts to look weird and you have to spellcheck it?)

Ben's teacher this year is Mrs. Bundy. As is my tradition, as I walked him into his classroom, I offered to provide her with chocolate, ear plugs, and booze... her choice. Ben had a great first day and is looking forward to the FIRST full day of school on Thursday.

Family of 4: Week 4

2010-06-25T00:22:00.001-05:00

Today, Henry turned 4 weeks old. In honor of all of us surviving the first month, I thought I'd post a run down of what we've been up to the last 28 days.

* Ben has settled into his role of big brother and is doing a great job sharing the limelight. Last week, he said, "Mom. I'm really glad we have Hank." I said, "That's so sweet. I'm glad we have him, too." "Yeah," Ben added, "Now you have something else to be busy with and I can play Wii all day."

* Henry is a good baby (vs. those terrible, nasty babies that purposefully trip old ladies in crosswalks). He seems pretty content to go with the flow. As scheduled and high strung as his mama may be, he's a mellow little man.

* When we came home from the hospital, Henry weighed 6 pounds 14 oz. Yesterday, he was up to around 9 pounds, which means he's a good eater and isn't missing many meals. He prefers to follow the "eat many small meals a day" philosophy...about every 3 hours.

* If you want to be his best friend, hold him upright and let him sleep on you. He also likes the sound of his big brother's voice (lucky for us). Ben is the most successful Baby Whisperer in our house. He has made up a lullaby/soothing song that he sings when Hank cries and it works almost every time.

* If you want to see the Exorcist version of Henry (Zouel Soul from Ghostbusters), put lotion on him. It truly is the only thing we've found that consistently flips him out. Nudity? Fine. Baths? Bring it on. Put a little lotion on him? RAGE.

* In the last few days, Henry has become increasingly aware of his surroundings. He even spent 6 hours awake this week. Wide awake. And looking. It was great. Even better because it was in the afternoon and not in the middle of the night.

Highlights for the next month include Mommy getting to start running again (HOORAY!), more visits and play dates with family and friends, and (hopefully) a few more hours of sleep at night.

Baby Bob? I mean, Henry? I mean, Hank? I'm Your Big Brother, Ben.

2010-05-29T11:13:00.001-05:00

We are so excited to welcome Henry Collin Mayfield into our family. He arrived on Friday, May 28th at 12:18pm. He weighed 7 pounds and 5 ounces and was 18 inches long (just 4 ounces bigger than his big brother was at birth). Ben was very excited to meet Henry, but was having a little trouble with Henry's name since we've called him so many names.

Henry, in his little brother wisdom, had chosen 2 very cool Batman cars for Ben as a brother present. Ben was very impressed with Henry's selection and said, "You are the best little brother ever!" About 5 minutes later, my dad asked Ben if Henry could play with said Batman mobile. A very quick, "NO!" followed by, "You know, he's just too little" came from Ben.

Ben checked out Henry's finger, toes, and belly button (Mom? What's that about?) and deemed Henry worth to be his little brother. I said, "I think he's a keeper, what do you think, Ben?" Ben said, "Ummmm.... let's decide tomorrow."

Here are a few photos from the meeting of the boys:

Kindergarten? That's SO last year.

2010-05-29T09:35:00.000-05:00

On Monday, Ben had his last day of Kindergarten. As we left school on Monday, he was very quick to tell me that he was not a Kindergartener anymore. He is now a FIRST GRADER. Capable of doing FIRST GRADER THINGS. So, stand back, world because FIRST GRADER things are happening. So far, that's playing the Wii and staying up later than usual. First grade is going to rock!

Photos below are the obligatory front porch last-day-of-school-shot and a picture of Ben with Mrs. Bohon, his wonderful Kindergarten teacher.

Flattery will get you nowhere

2010-04-20T19:03:00.000-05:00

This morning as he was getting dressed, Ben was checking out my belly. He squinted his eyes, pursed his lips, and then said the following:

B: Mom? Your belly is like a yo-yo. You know, it's round and it's gone WAAAAAYYYY out, but it'll go back again.

H: Gee, thanks. I think.

B: (looks a little closer) Actually, Mom? I think it's more like a boomerang because it's going to take a LONG, LONG time to come back.

Photos: April

2010-04-17T20:17:00.000-05:00

Easter morning
(I should mention that the jacket and tucked in shirt lasted about 8 minutes past this photo.)

The new (BLUE!) room complete with bunk beds. The color is "Space Command Blue" but really, it's "Painter's Tape Blue." They are exactly the same color. Ben LOVES it.

Nesting may be contagious

2010-04-15T15:19:00.001-05:00

So, we've been home from Spring Break long enough for me to not remember how long we've been home. But, about 2 days after we got back, I made some comment about how "after spring break" we really needed to get serious about getting the baby's room ready.

As in, "We need to clean out 10+ years worth of accumulated crap in the office, take down the desk, haul anything we're keeping to storage, get the water damage/hole in the ceiling fixed, repair a couple of holes in the walls, paint the room, prime and paint the trim, paint the ceiling, install a new light fixture, make sure we have the hardware for the crib, get the crib from my parents' basement, order the bedding, and, and, and...." Then, I said, "If Ben is going to get bunk beds, maybe he'd like new sheets, a new comforter, and heck, we should probably paint his entire room, too. Oh, and those are being delivered in a little over a week, so we'd need to hurry."

Sure. Why not. Because I've never been in better physical shape and I can stay awake for hours and hours working on such things. I have a keen sense of balance and nothing will prevent me from bending over to paint and moving heavy objects. And, Don? He's home ALL THE TIME, so we should definitely take on a couple of house projects that we'd like done yesterday.

But, guess what? We're 99.9% finished with Ben's total room makeover (which included covering up "baby" yellow walls, trim, and ceiling). Only the trim is left to paint and that would have been done today if I could have gotten the darn paint can open. The holes in the wall in the baby's room have all been patched and primed. We've chosen the paint color, the bedding has arrived, the crib is ready, and we've HIRED a delightful human to fix the ceiling and paint the room.

This all comes with a minimal amount of crying, tantrums, emergency trips to the chiropractor, or sudden panic attacks. Ben is THRILLED with his new room (I'll post pictures soon). I feel all warm and fuzzy that the baby's room has been transformed from a disorganized, rarely used office into a space that will be perfect for a new baby.

All this activity has really kicked my nesting urge into high gear. Now, truth be told, I've always been a little OCD about certain things. I like the towels to be straight on the hook. I use a hand towel to wipe off the counters and sink and "tidy up" in a hotel before the maids come in each day. I have yelled at my child to get out of my fresh vacuum tracks.

Evidently, nesting isn't just for mommies. For the past two days, Ben has taken time each morning to painstakingly make his bed and then smooth his comforter so that all the stripes are perfectly straight. This morning, I watched him move a pillow three different times to make sure it was in just the right spot. I should be more than a little horrified, but I'm more than a little amused and proud. Maybe there's even hope for others in the family. The dog will start willingly wiping her paws when she comes in the house. The cat will begin only shedding over a trash can. And, maybe Don will catch a little nesting from me and finally understand why I'm so obsessed with wiping down the stainless steel sink in the kitchen anytime we run water so that it looks like it's never used. Maybe not.

February Music Program

2010-02-21T16:23:00.004-06:00

On Thursday, the Kindergarten class had their "February Celebrations Program". They sang about Groundhog Day, Valentine's Day, President's Day, etc. As I watched, I kept thinking about how far Ben has progressed from his first preschool music program where he got mad that he couldn't stand by his friend and stormed off the risers. I also think his music teacher must have more patience than most humans and was amazed that she got 40ish Kindergartners to tap dance on risers without anyone falling off!

Here are a few highlights from the program. The first song is one of Ben's favorites about George and Abe. The second is about Shadows (and includes some FANCY dancing), and the third is Skinnamarink (cue sappy, sappy mommy tears). (Ben is in the second row, center.)

Second Child Syndrome (Already)

2010-01-21T14:19:00.003-06:00

I can't believe I haven't posted any information about our sonogram last Friday until now. This poor second child... already missing out....

On Friday, Don, Ben, and I found out that a baby BOY will be joining our family sometime in late-May or early-June. And sunshine, and rainbows, and puppy dog tails...right? Well, kinda.

Since we told Ben about my pregnancy, he's been convinced he was having a "sister" (even though we called the baby "Bob"). When the ultrasound technician said, "What would you think about having a brother?" Ben said, "Nope. I'm having a sister." She smiled and told him that, actually, it was a brother. Ben asked her to check again. Still a brother. Hmmmm. Ben boycotted any further participation in the ultrasound. No amount of "Ben, look! There is your brother's face!" or "Awwww, look...he's waving at you." was going to convince Ben that he hadn't been completely screwed in the sibling department.

As we were leaving the visit, I heard him mumble, "Great. A brother will touch ALL my stuff." Ah, the truth comes out. It wasn't about some fantasy where he'd have an adorable little sister to nurture and protect. It was about preserving the sanctity of Transformers and Power Rangers. "Stuff touching" coupled with the sharp sting of being WRONG for a couple of months about his sibling had him in a funk.

Luckily, he has come around. A brother is going to be just fine. Not what he ordered, but he'll make do. The next hurdle will be finding a way to tell him that "Bob" won't really be named Bob. But, for now, we're going to enjoy knowing that we're a 2 boy family.

Cold

2010-01-09T12:21:00.002-06:00

B: Can I have a Popsicle before lunch?
H: No. You may have one after lunch.
B: Come on. Is there no love in your heart? I thought there was some love in there, but I guess not.

Baby, It's Cold Outside

2010-01-06T22:09:00.003-06:00

Happy snow day! We're all settling in for some nasty winter weather. We got out today before the snow really hit and plan to spend tomorrow watching movies, playing Wii Fit, and making cookies....and snuggling on the couch with a furry friend.

Bob? Boberina?

2010-01-05T22:41:00.004-06:00

We're 10 days away from knowing if the bins and bins of baby boy clothes I saved are staying or going. Ben is still convinced that my ever growing belly is full of a girl baby. We decided that Ben will join us at my ultrasound next Friday morning so that he can't "blame" us if it turns out to be a brother.

I'm starting to notice frequent kicks and jabs from Bob. After a rather forceful bump to the belly, I realized that it's just beginning to sink in that we're having another baby. I know that sounds crazy...hello....one look at my body and it should be obvious...but the first 12 weeks of this pregnancy were like a long, crummy flu. Now that I feel better, I'm ready to settle in and enjoy the next few months until we become a family of four.

Ben continues to ask hilarious questions and make funny observations. Having a 5-year-old share the experience has been such fun. Here are some highlights:

*Mom? I don't want Bob to touch my stuff. She'll bite the heads off all my "guys." (Because, in his head, evidently I am giving birth to a piranha or Cujo.)

* When Bob is born, will you still be the same tall as you are now because Daddy said you will shrink? (Just the belly and the boobs shrink, the height will stay the same...I hope)

* Woah, Mom. Your belly looks HUGE. What did you and Bob eat??

* I don't think I can go to school next year because you're going to need me to stay home and help with Bob.

* When Bob is born, I'm gonna teach her how to do karate. And Kung Fu. Oh, and to like pickles.

What a good big brother. And we think Ben is going to need therapy when he grows up. Are there therapists that begin working with children BEFORE they're born? Bob might need it.

Christmas/Remodeling

2009-12-27T22:45:00.003-06:00

What's better than getting a new Rip Rider 360 from Santa? Having all the carpet ripped out of the family room for a sweet indoor bike path.

Bob

2009-11-10T18:05:00.004-06:00

Now that my expanding belly is making it difficult to keep a secret from anyone who sees me (and now that it's the P.C. time to share), we are happy to announce that Mayfield Baby #2 will be making his/her arrival sometime in late-May or early-June. As excited as we were to find out about my pregnancy, we were equally excited to tell Ben so that he could begin sharing his ideas about having a brother or a sister.

Several weeks ago, I had my first ultrasound. I have to be honest, it didn't look like much. But, it was something tangible, so we showed Ben the pictures.

H: Ben. I want to show you something. See this? Right there (pointing to the ultrasound picture) is a baby. Our baby. We're going to have a new baby and you are going to be a big brother.
B: (staring skeptically at photo) Hmmmm. Where? Here? Soooooooooo, babies just start as dots?
H: Well, yeah.
B: Was I a dot in your belly?
H: Yep.
D: What do you think, buddy?
B: This is great! I really want a brother but I don't want him to eat my toys. Can we build him a new room? (gets very quiet and totally distracted by a Transformer)

A few minutes later....
B: Uh, guys? (looks at the ultrasound picture again)
H&D: What?
B: Our baby kinda looks like Bob. (from Monsters vs. Aliens: See below)
Thus, Poor Baby, you are "Bob". If you're a girl, you'll be "Bob the Girl".

Halloween Party

2009-10-28T15:50:00.007-05:00

Here are a few pictures from Ben's Halloween party at school. The boys in his class are Star Wars obsessed, even though most of them haven't ever seen Star Wars. It's pretty funny. This year, Ben is Jango Fett (and that is about all I know about Jango Fett). His party included a parade, a craft (mummies), cupcakes, treats, and goodie bags. He had a great time!

Apples (but most importantly...doughnuts)

2009-09-15T22:07:00.009-05:00

It has been busy month since I last posted to the blog! Kindergarten, a trip to Papa and Grandma's 60th wedding anniversary party, more Kindergarten, and a couple of days off.

Today was a teacher in-service day, so we headed to Louisburg to the cider mill. I remembered that you used to be able to pick apples there, but not anymore. The boys had a great time watching a semi-truck full of apples turn into cider. The also really enjoyed the cider doughnuts and playing on the huge bales of hay.

We came home with some cider, kettle corn, caramel apple candy corn, and cider doughnuts. Ben came home with hives all over his legs from playing on the hay. That is the gift that will keep on giving all week. Poor guy.

The funniest part of the day was listening to the two apple experts (Ben and Riley) explain to me just how many apples were in that truck and the process by which all those BILLIONS of HUNDREDS of apples was going to turn into cider. It was something about ninja swords and lots of chopping. Oh, and then crushing and squeezing (complete with physically squeezing demo) to get the cider. There was also quite the debate about the difference between cider and juice. Riley was sure that "juice" meant "full of lots of sugar." (Jill--- what kind of juice are you feeding that kid? You know, Hawaiian Punch is NOT a juice.)

A Real Kindergartener

2009-08-19T17:42:00.004-05:00

Ben had his first official day of Kindergarten today. After waking up to an alarm clock all by himself, he was all business about getting to school this morning. He wouldn't let me take any pictures at home for fear that it would slow us down... maybe tomorrow. Here are a few highlights and the video I took of him walking into his classroom for the first time. At the end of the video, catch what the para in his classroom says when she sees him... it's exactly what a new-Kindergarten parent wants to hear!

About Kindergarten:

B: Mom? When I'm at school all day, I'm going to miss a lot of my shows.
H: That's true.
B: Can you DVR some for me before we leave?

* As we pulled into the parking lot, Ben asked if I was going to "go in." When I said that I was, he sighed and said, "Well. Only today, OK? I can really handle it, Mom."

* After school, Ben announced that Kindergarten ROCKS! (We've been reading a book that my mom bought him called "Kindergarten Rocks" and evidently, it really does!)

* From 3:15 until 5:30 Ben told me stories about school. In "science class" they made a play dough rainbow. They learned a song called "No More Pie" in Music. And, Mom-did-I-know-what? They have cookers that make lunches right at school. And, Mom-did-I-know-what-else? He earned 65-hundred-4-and 60, 70 stars today. He earned a line up and walk in a line star, and a playground star, and a follow directions star, and, and, and... you get the idea.

Here's the video of him heading into school on a rainy day (you may want to take your favorite motion-sickness drug before watching).

Kindergarten (but only a visit)

2009-08-17T12:05:00.005-05:00

This morning was our "meet and greet" with Ben's Kindergarten teacher, Mrs. Bohon. Lured by the promise of stopping for doughnuts before the visit, he got out of bed pretty easily and was ready to roll. When Mrs. Bohon came to meet us in the hall, he trotted off behind her, chit-chatting with her the whole way (SO not a surprise). I was about 50 feet behind because, clearly, he could handle it on his own and didn't want to be seen with his MOTHER. Ugh. But, I overheard him telling her that, "Kindergarten will be a blast. We're just going to have a ball." Ah, if she only knew.

Ben is very excited to have his own chair and a name tag. He's also very proud of his cubby for supplies and that they have a bathroom RIGHT IN THE CLASSROOM! Could life get any better? Wait until he's there on Wednesday and they have 2 snacks, lunch, and recess. Kindergarten rocks.

Almost 5

2009-08-06T13:50:00.007-05:00

For the last few weeks, anytime someone asks Ben how old he is, he replies, "Almost 5. And, I'm going to Kindergarten." Ummm. Excuse me, but where did the last 5 years go?

I took Ben for his 5 year check up last week and visited with a new mommy and her 6 day old son. Was that really me "almost 5" years ago? I barely remember a time when Ben wasn't potty trained and getting his own snacks in the kitchen. On the other hand, was it really that long ago that we were just figuring out how to hold him so he'd fall asleep and just which funny face would make him laugh so his whole chubby little body shook?

When I taught, I never understood those weepy freakshow parents (ok, mostly MOMS) who tearfully dropped their child off for the first day of school. I think my comment was, "Dude. It's school. It's not like you're sending your child to war." I may have also said, "Never. Never ever will I be a 'cry mom'. I'm gonna be the mom with my foot on my kid's butt kicking him out of the car when he goes to school. I would NEVER cry. Whatever."

Ummmmmmmm.....yeah. As with so many other things, the kiss of death was saying, "I would never..". Because, guess what? I'm going to be that blubbering, ugly-crying, freakshow, train wreck of a mommy in two weeks when I take my boy to school. What I realize now is that it's not sadness that brings the tears. It's a realization that your baby is not a baby. There is nothing remotely baby left. It's intense pride in sending your little chick out of the nest and into the big, big world. It's all your hopes and wishes and dreams for the future.

Good grief. Will someone please hand me a Kleenex? Maybe a whole box?

Monday with Mommy: Sights and Sounds of the Zoo

2009-07-20T23:10:00.002-05:00

After I got home from piano lessons/tutoring this morning, Ben and I decided to head to the zoo. It was $1 kid admission day AND it was only 80ish degrees outside. We had a great afternoon! It also reminded me that I am a "boy mom."

After a promise that there would be snacks at the zoo, Ben was willing to head to the zoo. He also needed assurance that there would be some sort of passive transportation because his legs would be tired if he had to walk around the zoo. So, a rented wagon and a smoothie in the first 15 minutes after we arrived were in order.

A few highlights:
Butts
B: (with a glimmer in his eye) Mom? What is that pink part on the baboon?
H: That's the baboon's bottom.
B: (big grin) Bottom of what?
H: His tushie.
B: His BUTT? Gross.

Burps and Farts
Hippo: RRRRAAAAARRRRRRR or UUUUGGGGGGGHHHHH (however you spell the sound a hippo makes)
B: Holy cow. That hippo just burped.
The hippo went back underwater and bubbles came out of his nose
B: Awww..man. Now he farted. That's a gassy hippo. What did he eat?

Poop
B: WOAH! Look at the size of the elephant poop. Wow (complete awe).

To be fair, I think Ben comes by these observations naturally. Even after 20+ years, my most vivid memory of going to the Omaha Zoo in 1st grade is that one gorilla peed on a carrot and the other gorilla picked it up and ate it. (And, it still makes me giggle.)

July in pictures

2009-07-08T23:02:00.007-05:00

Here are a few pictures from our adventures in July...so far. The first two are from our 4th of July BBQ. We had a great time with our friends and their children... 5 kids ages 2, 3, 4, 5, and 6. At one point in the evening, I pointed out that it would be biologically possible for one of us to be the mother to all the children in the backyard. Biologically possible? Yes. A good idea? Well....

Below: 4 of the 5 kids. Poor Lola was the only girl and evidently that tree house dining experience was a little much for her. You know how boys are when they're in big groups--- all burps and fart jokes.

Below: The 4th of July cupcakes Ben helped make. In this photo he's negotiating for a Bomb Pop after he finishes the cupcake. His negotiation worked. We had to do something to make sure he'd stay awake through the fireworks. With liberty and sugar for all.

On Sunday, we did some swing set upgrades. We got rid of the old "baby" swing, added a brand new swing and installed this cool horse swing made from a tire that Papa and Grandma bought for Ben.

After he figured out how to get on the horse, he enjoyed the ride. Thanks, Papa and Grandma!

Getting Old

2009-06-27T10:09:00.003-05:00

An unintended side effect of all this talk about big kids and growing up is that Ben has become preoccupied with death and the effects of aging. He's very concerned with the relationship between his age and our ages. If he's getting big, then we're getting OLD.

B: Mom? When I grow up, will you be REALLY old?
H: I'll be older. Like Mimi.
B: But, Mom. When you get very, very old, we'll have to put you in a grave because you'll be dead.

The first time we had this conversation, Ben cried. I got teary. It was very Love You Forever (remember that freaking picture book? Jeez.). Now, he asks with a glimmer in his eye as if he's contemplating what will be served at the death banquet after he finishes putting me in a grave.

The "death talk" has cropped up several times in the last few months. When we asked a few questions of our own, we found out SpongeBob Squarepants had an episode where he dreamt that Mr. Crabs was old and dead and they had to bury him. Good grief. I knew I never liked that stinking SpongeBob.

I don't know what Ben watched to bring up his other "old person" obsession. While he was staying with my parents a couple of weekends ago, he climbed up in my mom's lap and had the following conversation:

B: Mimi? Are you old?
M: Well, I'm older than your mom.
B: Awww, Mimi, you're really, really old. Look at your elbows. They're all wrinkly.
(Background noise of my dad laughing hysterically.) Mimi, look... you've got the girl disease.
M: What? The girl disease?
B: Yes. The girl disease. It gives you wrinkles. It's just horrible.

Fast forward to Thursday night when I was tucking Ben into bed. He wanted me to snuggle him (for the sole purpose of getting the cat to stay on his bed for a few minutes-- she'll only snuggle with backup). So, there we were, cozy and quiet. I was just beginning to think that it had been awhile since he'd wanted me to tuck him in...
B: Mom?
H: What, Love?
B: Let me see your elbow.
H: My elbow?
B: Yes. Well...your elbow is kinda tricky. I'll just check your face. (carefully pushing and pulling and poking my face)
H: Check for what?
B: Girl disease. Mom, you just have a little girl disease. It's going to get worse. You're getting old.
H: Good night, Ben. (I left his room and headed straight to the bathroom for an in-depth study of my "girl disease" in the mirror.)

Not a Baby

2009-06-12T01:14:00.004-05:00

Ben is catching on to the idea that he's now a "big kid going to Kindergarten". It must be from all the recent instances of, "if you're a big kid who is going to Kindergarten, then you can...." or "big kids who go to Kindergarten always....". It's getting all kinds of things done around the house from handwriting to cleaning up toys.

A few other instances of big kid-ness:

* On a recent play date, we arrived at Riley's house and Ben told me to stay in the car. He let me know that he could 'handle it". He unbuckled his seat belt, pushed the button on the automatic door, walked to their door, rang the bell, and let himself inside. He didn't even turn around to say goodbye. (I hope he'll let me walk him to the door on the first day of Kindergarten, but I won't hold my breath.)

* Last week, Ben had the choice between going to the gym with Don or going to the bookstore with me. He thought about it for awhile and said, "Dad. After much deliberation, I've decided to go with Mommy." (Better yet--- he knew what it meant. When I asked, he said, "it's thinking about something until you decide.")

* Can I get a little personal? He's wiping his butt. Hooray and hallelujah. (He's gonna love this post when he's 20.)

* This morning, after I gave him a kiss, he said, "Mom. No more kissing. I'm done with kissing you. Babies and little kids kiss their mommies." (Ugh. Rip my heart out. But, you know all it is going to do is make me kiss him more. In public. With lipstick.)

Royal Blasters

2009-06-07T14:45:00.005-05:00

Ben's T-ball career is in full swing. Well, full swing might be an exaggeration. More like "swinging when he wants to." Still, he's having fun and we think he's getting the hang of it. His favorite part is the snack at the end. His team is the "Royal Blasters" and they have a good time together.

Here are few pictures from his first game.

Jiggle Jam: Day One

2009-05-23T21:44:00.005-05:00

This weekend, we are spending Saturday and Sunday at Jiggle Jam, a children's music festival at Crown Center. Ben liked the music, but really enjoyed the bounce houses, snacks, and the fountains. Here are pictures from our first day.

To the Parents of...

2009-05-17T20:27:00.003-05:00

I remember vividly the first time I heard, "May I speak to Benjamin's mother?". It was a few days after we came home from the hospital. The caller was one of the nurses at Dr. Hostetler's office calling to confirm our 1-week visit. The question made me pause and fumble for an answer. Oh my God. I'm someone's mother. Woah.

This week, we received a very official letter from the Shawnee Mission School District addressed "To The Parents of Benjamin Mayfield." Oh my God. I'm someone's parent. I'm someone's parent who is getting a letter from the school district. Eek.

In October (yes, October of 2008), we requested a transfer from the elementary school our neighborhood attends to Highlands Elementary. We were told that we'd have to wait to see how the enrollment numbers played out. It was first come, first serve. We were 5th on the list. They also told us that it might be AUGUST before we'd know if the transfer had been approved. So we waited. We attended Kindergarten parent night at both schools and waited. And waited. (Have you met me? I don't wait well. I don't deal with the unknown well. I began wondering who to bribe with baked goods or gifts.)

Anyway, the letter addressed "To the Parents of Benjamin Mayfield" was to inform us that our transfer request had been approved. HOORAY! Ben will be a Highland Hawk as long as he's in elementary school (and as long as his academic performance, attendance, and behavior are not "less than satisfactory." HA!).

We are officially on the road to Kindergarten. Here's hoping that all the letters addressed "To the Parents of Benjamin Mayfield" contain good news.

Mother's Tea

2009-05-08T22:47:00.003-05:00

Today, Ben's class hosted a Mother's Tea just in time for Mother's Day. He was quick to inform me that we wouldn't be having actual TEA. "Tea is gross. Kids don't like it. We'll have punch. But, Mom? We don't call it Mother's Punch. It's Mother's TEA. TEEEEEAAAAA. Ok?"

One of the highlights was his class singing "You Are My Sunshine" while doing the sign language. I think some of Ben's signs might get lost in the translation for the deaf community, but it was pretty darn cute.

Raiding the Pantry

2009-04-30T09:07:00.002-05:00

This morning, I found evidence of a 30+ pound "mouse" that has been helping himself to items in the pantry. First, it was the bag of marshmallows--opened and shoved on the bottom shelf next to the cereal. Then, I found a box of Girl Scout cookies that was opened, with one ENTIRE SLEEVE of cookies missing...just the wrapper was left in the box.

Just as I was about to mention this "mouse" to Ben, I looked in the kitchen to see his behind peeking out from the pantry. He had climbed in to stand on the bottom shelf and then pulled the door almost all the way closed while he ransacked the snacks. I guess I'll spend part of this rainy day reorganizing the pantry.

Say What?

2009-04-25T12:48:00.003-05:00

Just in time for spring, it's another installment of "Ben Says".

Last night, while we were out at dinner, the server brought our bill and jokingly handed it to Ben:
B: What am I supposed to do with this? Make a paper airplane?

This morning while watching cartoons:
B: That freaks me out. It gives me the "shitters".
H: What?
B: The "shitters".
H: Do you mean the "shivers"?
B: Nope. Not when you're cold.
D: Uhhhh...
H: Yeah, the "shivers" when you're cold or scared.
B: Nope. It's the "shitters". You know... like you do when you're really freaked out. You get the "shitters."
D: Right. ShiVVVVVVers.
H: Well, technically, you're both right...
B: Yeah. When you put your fingers in your mouth and look worried... the "shitters."

Easter Eggs (Part 1)

2009-04-10T15:42:00.003-05:00

Good grief. I was all set to dye Easter eggs with Ben this afternoon while Don is enjoying the Royal's home opener. I got Ben all whipped into a frenzy about how much fun we'd have with the egg kits I bought--- nothing says "Easter" like Transformers. Anyway, I explained the process, that we'd boil the eggs, let them cool, put the dye tablets in containers, add vinegar and water, watch them fizz, then dip the eggs. The promise of this fantastic event even bought me time to do our taxes uninterrupted. Then I realized.... I bought the same eggs I always buy. Free-range, tree-hugging-hippie-local farm-BROWN eggs. 2 dozen. BROWN eggs. Guess before we boil the eggs, we'll go to the store for white ones.

And, what am I going to do with 4 dozen eggs? Lots of omelets, quiches, egg salad, deviled eggs, etc. in our future. Have I mentioned that I don't even really like eggs? Stupid hippie hens.

Spring Snow

2009-03-28T19:10:00.007-05:00

Ben finally got the snow he's been asking for since January. Even though it was still snowing pretty hard, we made the most of it this afternoon with sledding, snow angels, and a snowman.

With great power comes great responsibility

2009-03-13T17:10:00.002-05:00

The only downside to Ben dressing himself? Today at 5PM, I realized he's been wearing the same Spiderman underwear for 3 days.

Knight of the Panther

2009-02-25T18:34:00.005-06:00

This weekend, Ben was invited to his friend Darby's birthday party. His girl friend Darby's princess party. His girl friend Darby's DRESS UP princess party. Luckily we had a knight costume in the dress up box, so Ben dressed in his knightly best and headed to the party. Darby's mom has a face painting business, so she put the finishing touches on his costume.
Part of me wishes those were his real eyebrows.

Today at school, the class celebrated the letter "P" by having a Pajama day. A Pajama day with Pancakes. A Pajama day with Pancakes and face Painting. Ben chose to celebrate Pajama Day with Pancakes and face Painting by turning into a Panther.

But does your belt match your shoes?

2009-02-19T09:14:00.005-06:00

It might be time to buy some orange shoes... Ben is officially an orange belt in Tae Kwon Do.

What you Get

2009-02-05T10:33:00.004-06:00

In true "Rainman" fashion, many activities in Ben's life revolve around the same process/procedure every time. For example, eating lunch at Planet Sub. The routine is always the same. We order, we sit at a table (he has a "table" in each Planet Sub in the city), we wait. We eat. Ben uses a million napkins simply because he likes the novelty of pulling them out of the napkin dispenser on the table. Over a month ago (and after the 10th napkin), I said, "Dude. Cool it with the napkins. You're killing trees."

Yesterday, we went to Planet Sub near Tae Kwon Do (table in the back on an elevated platform near the soda machine). The routine was going along as usual when all of the sudden, Ben stopped.

B: Mom? Why do I kill trees when I use lots of napkins.
H: Because trees give us paper and these napkins are made of paper. So, when we use lots of napkins, the logging companies have to cut down more trees (yeah, I said that. I'm a tree hugging hippie, remember?)
B: Oh.
Several minutes pass and I can tell Ben is thinking carefully. We continue to eat and then tilts his head to the side and looks confused
B: So, dogs give us nothing?

As someone who often says seemingly random things out loud, I totally appreciated his inner monologue, which probably went like this:
Trees give us paper.
Cows give us milk.
Chickens give us eggs.
Target gives us toys.
Costco gives us snacks.
Dogs give us........... uh..........hmmmmm.....

Yuck

2009-02-02T23:09:00.004-06:00

Ben has a new pet. Nope, it's not another dog. Not a cat, either. Not a fish or a bird or a gerbil ('cause, frankly...ewww.). This pet doesn't need food or water and is acclimating to life in our house well. Internet, my son has a brand new piece of armpit lint that he fished out of his bath last night.
You heard me. Armpit lint. From the bath. Saved from the swirling vortex of the draining water only to need a rapid rescue from the bathroom floor. Ben named his lint, "Yuck." The details, available at this time are as follows:

* Yuck is a boy.
* Yuck began life as a fuzzy navy blue hoodie. He was from the land of "armpit-ia."
* To keep Yuck safe, he lives in a small, round Gladware container with lid firmly secured.
* Yuck is terrified of the dark. Last night, he needed a large, shop-sized flashlight to illuminate his container when Ben went to bed.

Photos coming soon along with requests for recommendations for a nice psychiatrist for preschoolers.

The Barfs

2009-01-15T15:46:00.003-06:00

It was last week around this time that "the barfs" came to stay for a long weekend. I was their sole host (thank goodness). This meant that Ben had lots of opportunities to earn that pony we've been promising since before he was born, Don got to be a single parent while trying to avoid exposure to the typhoid that was living the the bedroom, and I finally got 2 uninterrupted days of peace and quiet. Be careful what you wish for!

Ben was such a good boy on Friday after school. I explained that I had GERMS. Germs that would make him BARF. Did he want to barf? 'Cause, if so, feel free to come close to Mommy. Kiss her. Have a sip of water from her class. If not, stay in the other room and play quietly. That's just what he did. From 2:30 until Don got home at 5, Ben watched TV, got himself his own snacks, and even cleaned up after himself. Every once in a while, he'd holler, "Mom? You still have the barfs?" I'd say, "Yes." He'd yell, "Ok. That's pretty gross. I'll see you later."

In my fog of barf and contemplating death, I'm not really sure what Don and Ben did Saturday and Sunday. All I know, is that they stayed away from my germs.

Here are a few funny quotes from the weekend:
B: Mommy? Your barfs are bad news. You need to get 'em gone.

Saturday, when he was checking in on me..
B: Know what? Your barfs are the bad guys. They are powerful, but I'm more powerful-er. Open your mouth, Mom.
H: Honey, no. Mommy has germs.
B: OPEN IT.
H: Ok... (opens mouth)
B: (as if performing an exorcism) GO AWAY YOU BAD, BAD BARFS. YOU ARE NO GOOD. GET OUT OF MY MOM'S MOUTH. There. Now you'll be better.

On Sunday, I finally felt good enough to try real food so we went to Dragon Inn for Chinese.
As we were leaving...
B: Mom, if we go to dinner, you can't barf on the floor. Ok?
H: Ok. I won't.
B: I'm serious, Mom. It's gross to barf in public.
H: I'll do my best.

2009

2009-01-04T19:36:00.005-06:00

Internet, it's time to get back in a routine. Not the old one where we woke up late, Ben and I snarled and fought to get ready to head out the door to only be 10 minutes late for school, but a new one. A new routine marked with earlier bedtimes, actual breakfasts, pleasant departures and drops-off (drop-offs?) at school. We will all be a little more sane because of it.

2009 has begun with some new challenges, a few of which I'm not handling as gracefully as I'd like, but tomorrow is another day. 2009 is promising, too... If for no other reason than to force myself to put a positive spin on the changes and challenges, I'll list a few here.

* Ben is increasingly independent. At some point over break, it was almost like having a roommate instead of a "pet." He takes care of his business, gets his own snacks, and even cleans up after himself. Now if we can just encourage him to stop asking us to "check his crack." Baby steps.

* In addition to his independence, Ben is a good friend. I've had the opportunity to watch him interact with kids he knows and kids he has just met and he is caring, thoughtful, and funny. There are many things I expect from Ben and want him to accomplish. Most of all, I want him to be a good person and a good friend. It's nice to see that we're on the right track.

* I am looking forward to training for my first full marathon--- Lincoln, Nebraska in May. After that, I'm going to tackle the KC Hospital Hill half marathon in June. I'll begin my racing season with the Groundhog Run in late-January.

* We're working hard to make healthier choices in 2009. Better food, consistent exercise, more sleep. We're even enlisting the pets. Abby is my new running companion and all 3 critters enjoy an early bedtime.

Here's hoping these changes make 2009 the best year yet.

Mayfield, Ben Mayfield

2008-12-17T14:09:00.007-06:00

Last weekend, we headed to Jacksonville for Wendy and Justin's wedding. Ben did a great job as the "ring bear" or as the "double secret super spy" (which is what we told him the tuxedo turned him into). He walked down the aisle without a hitch and really had a good time showing off his dance moves at the reception.

Here is a link to all the photos. From that screen, click on "Slideshow" in the upper right hand corner: Laney/ Newell Wedding

Sick as a cat?

2008-12-05T11:55:00.003-06:00

Ben has been sick since Wednesday night. Even Gertie feels bad for him and allowed a rare snuggle.

Gobble Joggle

2008-12-01T23:45:00.004-06:00

We started a new family tradition on Thanksgiving this year. We walked in the Turkey Day 5K and Ben ran in the kid fun run. It was a special opportunity for Don to spend some quality time on the Sprint campus bright and early in the morning on his day off. It was also Ben's first chance to "really run in a real race."

B: Mom, what number am I?
H: You're 444.
B: But, I'm 4.

B (about 3 minutes into the race): Mom? Where are the snacks? I'm hungry.

Before the kid run:
H: Are you ready to do the kid run?
B: Yep. I'm totally going to win.
H: Well, there might be big kids that run really fast. Just do your best.
B: But I have to win. If I don't win, I will be so mad at those other kids.
H: Mommy didn't win her race. Mommy just did her best.
B: Yeah? I have to win.

After the run:
B: Mommy. Did you see that? I was awesome.
H: You were great! You did your best.
B: Yep. And I TOTALLY won the race. Now let's go get my goodie bag.

Yellow is the new black

2008-11-26T12:28:00.002-06:00

Ben had his first Tae Kwon Do belt testing class last Saturday. He is now officially a "Ko's Tyke's Yellow Belt." Next stop? Orange then green.

Ben Mayfield, anatomy expert

2008-11-14T21:03:00.003-06:00

The last few weeks, Ben has been increasingly interested in his body. Yes, in the way that all little boys are interested in their bodies. But, also in a very Dr. Benjamin Charles Mayfield, M.D. kind of way. I guess it all started with skeletons at Halloween. Skeletons became skulls. Skulls became his brain. Brains turned into hearts and lungs and individual bones and skin and muscles and where colds come from.

He begged for a book called "The Human Body" at Costco (over buying the Kung Fu Panda DVD) that has a plastic model of the human body in the middle of the pages and gives information about each body system. As you turn the page, a new system is featured along with plastic models of those "parts"--bones, brain, muscles, etc.). As much as he's learned (spine, brain, pelvis, "digestive system", ribs protect the lungs and heart, colds come from "bugs" that you have to cough out), he's still a little confused about a few things.

B: Mom, can you buy babies at Costco?
H: Oh, honey. No. Even if you could, you'd have to buy a whole flat of babies.
B: Maybe Target? Target would have good babies.
H: Nope.
B: Oh. Right. Babies have to grow in your tummy. Mommy, can you put a baby in your tummy right now?

Guess which "system" of the body isn't covered in our Human Body book...

Dinner Conversation

2008-11-05T20:01:00.003-06:00

Tonight was one of those very rare "Leave it to Beaver" family evenings. I cooked dinner and we actually sat at the table (shocking) as a family. And it wasn't even 9pm.

As we sat down:
B: Aww. I have my two best friends right where I want them. (Of course, Don and I had been instructed to be the Red and Pink Ranger, but still very sweet.)

About his day:
H: Tell Daddy about the new block you learned at Tae Kwon Do.
B: It's called the front block. I better just show you. (gets down and does some impressive arm flailing that actually looked very close to what Miss Pamela showed me this morning.) Daddy, it's hard work, but ya' know what? I just "brought it."

Concerning current events:
H: Ben, do you know who our new president is going to be?
B: Uh, nope.
H: Barack Obama.
B: He won? That's great. But you know who else is a total winner? The Jayhawks.

Regarding the meal:
B: Mommy? I can't eat this. It's an octagon. I only eat circle hamburger. (We had white trash casserole with ground beef. Evidently, we had special octagon ground beef. Hmmm.)
H: What's an octagon?
B: What do you think? It's a shape with 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8 sides.
D: Octagon? Where did he learn that?
B: School. It's what I do all day.

Rockin' the Vote

2008-10-30T23:00:00.004-05:00

Last night, Don and I took Ben to vote. As we were ready to leave the house, we told Ben that we were going to go vote. We would have to be patient while we stood in line. We would need to use quiet, inside voices. But, yes, he could take his flashlight ('cause why not?) and maybe we'd even go out for dinner after we finished.

We stood in line for several minutes as the line got longer and longer. After talking to the people around us about what he was going to be for Halloween, Ben was ready for a little more action.

B: Uh, Mommy? When do we get on the boat?
H: Huh?
B: The BOAT. You said we were coming to "BOAT".
H: Oh, no, Honey. Vote. VVVVVVVV-Vote.
B: But what's that?
H: Well, in a few minutes, we'll go in that room and vote. We'll use a computer to show which people we want to vote for. When we're done, we'll get a sticker.
B: Oh. (peeks inside the election room) I want to VVVVVVVVVVVVV-VOTE. But it's all adults. (cue the sad face) But I want to vote and get a sticker.
H: You have to be 18 to vote. When you're 18 you can vote, but I bet you can still have a sticker.
B: And we can still go out for dinner?
H: Sure.
B: Ok.

When I was escorted to the touchscreen voting machine, Ben's eyes lit up.
B: Mommy, can I play the game when you're done?
Instead, we compromised and I let Ben touch the arrow to move to the next screen. In true civics teacher fashion, I asked him to press the "cast ballot" button with me.

So, in a sense, Ben did get to vote. And he got a sticker. And we went out for pizza. And ice cream.

Today on the way to Tae Kwon Do, Ben was thinking about his first experience with the democratic process.
B: Mommy? You know what?
H: What?
B: Actually, voting was pretty fun.
H: Yeah. It is, isn't it.
B: Yep! Can we go again today?

"E" is for "I'm not sharing"

2008-10-27T21:57:00.002-05:00

Oh, Christopher Elbow and your artisanal chocolate. How I love thee... let me count the ways...

1) Fleur De Sel (caramel w/french sea salt)
2) Lavender (caramel flavored with lavender-- it's like taking a bubble bath in your mouth)
3) Rosemary (caramel flavored with rosemary)
4) Coffee (caramel flavored with coffee)
5) fresh Lime (chocolate ganache flavored with fresh squeezed limes-- it's my very favorite)
And on, and on, and on.

There are around 25 flavors and there's not a one I won't moan and obsess over. Don just rolls his eyes as I go on and on about the complex flavor, the delicious-ness of SEA SALT and chocolate, or FRESH LIME and chocolate, or CHAMPAGNE and chocolate.

Baby Aidan brought me a box of CE wonderfulness today for our Kindermusik Halloween Party. Since I arrived home about an hour ago, it has been all I can do to not consume the entire box tonight. I've had two pieces and after writing about them will certainly need at least one more before I'm finished tonight.

The way to my heart? Forget a Tiffany little blue box (although I do enjoy that, too). Give me a chocolate brown box with a white lid and a brown "E". Just get your hands out of the way quickly or I'll bite.

(And can I say, GO TO HIS WEBSITE. The pieces of chocolate flash on the screen like some sort of chocolate porn heaven.)

Let the Sugar Coma Begin

2008-10-26T22:38:00.007-05:00

When did celebrating Halloween become a 2-week extravaganza? There's the pumpkin patch, the Kindermusik party, the church party, school party, the trick-or-treating in the Village, and then trick-or-treating "for real" next Friday night.

The obvious question: What is Ben going to be for Halloween?
Answer: Who knows? We bought a Power Ranger costume, but so far it's not in the cards. Or maybe he's waiting for the "real" Halloween to break out the Power Ranger suit. So far, he's worn the spider costume from last year (you know, the "Fookey Fider") and a shark costume I bought on clearance and forgot about until he found it last week. Stay tuned.

Today, we went to the pumpkin patch and then to trunk-or-treat at Asbury. We decorated the back of the van and Ben (in his shark costume) had a great time collecting candy from the other trunks. Ben managed to fill his trick-or-treat bucket over half full in less than 30 minutes.

In spite of the freezing cold (Don asked if we were trunk-or-treating or singing Christmas carols), Ben had fun and is looking forward to the week of sugar and costumes.

Weekend Update

2008-10-11T18:29:00.004-05:00

Things going on this weekend that make it difficult to blog:

* Gertie is exploring her womanhood.... with loud yowling and lots of inappropriate body gestures. It's like a Brittany Spears video around here. If Brittany Spears were a cat. Consequently, Gertie is having her 2-day spa visit on Monday after which she will no longer care that she's a girl and will no longer need manicures on her front paws.

* We are doing some minor home projects. You know the kind. The ones that start innocently with a comment like, "I wonder what would happen if instead of fixing the broken rungs of the railing on the porch, we just ripped that part completely out" and ends with priming and paining all the exterior trim on the house and becoming experts at brick laying.

* After lots of colorful language and several correspondences with tech support, I finally got the new Kindermusik website to load and am now in the final stages of fixes, etc. In some ways, far more time consuming and painful than labor. It also is requiring about the same amount of happy pills.

* Ben has discovered the joys of computer gaming (nickjr.com) and is spending lots of time monopolizing any available computer (there are 3 in the house) to feed his addiction. More on that when I have more time.

Me and Amy Winehouse

2008-10-08T22:53:00.004-05:00

Oh Amy Winehouse, I feel your pain. They're tryin' to make me go to rehab, too. Tomorrow at 7:45 in the morning. Somehow I think our rehabs might be a little different considering that you're a drugged up hot mess and I just have a bad knee. Just to bring you up to speed, I've hit a bit of a hiccup in my marathon training. A month ago, I began having pain in both knees and my right knee has been a problem ever since. I got to wear a big, beautiful brace for a couple of weeks and took a break from training hoping the issue would resolve itself. It didn't. So here I am a week from my big race and I haven't run more than 2 miles in a month. Tomorrow I'll know if I can attempt to run the marathon next weekend or if I'm officially watching the race from the sidelines.

Wednesdays are for Wusses

2008-09-18T08:39:00.004-05:00

Yesterday was one traumatic event after another for Ben. Thank goodness we weathered it with 4-year-old big kid Ben because I can't even imagine the bad day hangover we'd both have today had it happened with 3-year-old Ben.

We headed to Tae-Kwon-Do (about 25 minutes away) ON TIME! only to find a dark and locked studio. Another mom and I waited with our very eager boys for someone to arrive. Finally, we decided to call our houses to check our answering machines. Oops. I missed the message from Miss Pamela that there would be no classes this week because she dislocated her knee. TRAUMA #1. Sad, mournful crying soothed only by Ben listening to the message from Miss Pamela in which she said several times to tell Ben that she would miss him and that she was so sorry they wouldn't have class this week. That, combined with a drive-thru Starbucks.

In the afternoon, Ben went to school. Miss Becky told the class she won't be there on Friday, but Miss Annye (a former teacher that Ben loves) would be there instead. Ben said, "Aww. Miss Becky I will miss you so much." Later in the day, Ben reconsidered. TRAUMA #2.
B: (puts his arm around Becky) Miss Becky, you know what?
MB: What Ben?
B: I'm not going to be here on Friday, either.
MB: Really? Why not?
B: Well. I'm going to be sick. I'm going to have a tummy ache and I'm going to have to go to the "not-shot" doctor. So I won't be here either.
Somehow, I think this trauma may resurface tomorrow when he finds out that Mommy's illness policy requires fever, vomiting, and bleeding out of his eyes to stay home from school on Mommy's day off.

Finally, the most traumatic event of the day. Still feeling the effects of trauma #1, Ben felt that he would make a complete recovery if Riley could come over and play after school. The boys were having such a great time playing inside and outside in the sandbox, then inside for cookies, then outside in the sand, then in Ben's room, then in the family room... you get the idea. After Baby Linus went home, the boys asked to have a Power Ranger sword fight in the front yard. That's when Ben experienced TRAUMA #3. I'll let him tell you in his own words:

Yes, Internet. He got stung by a wuss. Not just one wuss, but two wusses. Those darn wusses built a nest in an empty bird feeder in the big tree in the front yard. Ben and Riley are also convinced that the wusses (or "wops" as Riley calls them) also ate the birds that used to eat the bird food. Those are some killer wusses.

Weekly Gert

2008-09-14T22:06:00.003-05:00

After a long day, Gertie likes to relax with a nice glass (or bottle) of Chardonnay. Then she passes out in the dryer.

Tae Kwon Do Update

2008-09-11T13:51:00.001-05:00

After I posted the last entry, I picked Ben up from class. Miss Pamela said, "That Mr. Ben. He says the funniest things." Oh dear.

Yesterday at the beginning of class:
P: Did you bring your muscles?
B: No, I but I have skills.
(Who needs muscle when you have "skills"?)

Tae Kwon Do Ben

2008-09-11T10:22:00.003-05:00

Yesterday was Ben's first Tae Kwon Do class. After a quick dash to the mall on Tuesday night for tidy whities (his Tae Kwon Do uniform is all white and I didn't want the red Power Ranger on his underwear peeking through his pants all through class), we were all set.

To say that Ben had a great time is an understatement. He loved everything about it. After class he was full of "Mommy, do you know what?"'s followed by tales of running like a cheetah, kicking the bricks, STAMPS! (Mommy-- Tae Kwon Do guy stamps! On my FEET! Look! 'Cause I have powerful feet.), stickers, and a stripe on his Tae Kwon Do belt. Yes. My little yellow belt is now a little yellow belt with a stripe. if I knew anything about the progression of martial arts and belt colors/belt stripes, I'm sure I'd be even more proud.

His teacher, Miss Pamela, is all about business. As he came in the room, she prompted him to bow and say, "Good morning, Ma'am." There is no waiting area, so I went down to the bakery at the other end of the shopping center and hid out. At the end of class, she said he did very well. For the rest of the day, everything was, "Yes, Ma'am." "Please, Ma'am." "Thank you, Ma'am." how great is that? Except, in true Ben fashion, they were all yelled in a very martial-arts-get-in-touch-with-your-inner-power fashion.

Today, I'm sitting in the car with my fully charged laptop and EVDO card (Internet access) watching class through the window. Call me a skeptical mom, but I was having a hard time believing that Ben was able to control his need to run, punch, kick, and be super ninja in class. But, guess what? He's awesome. I can tell he's having a great time and that he's following directions. Right now, they are standing in a line (quietly. 6 little boys with their hands at their sides. Patiently waiting.) to side kick a bean bag off of some sort of padded sword looking thing. Now they are standing with their legs shoulder width apart and "breaking" foam bricks. When their turn is over, they collect their bricks and bring them back to Miss Pamela (with a bow--- and I'm sure a "ma'am.").

I think I'm having as much fun watching Ben in class and Ben is having in class. Now the only bummer is that there are 6 whole days until he gets to go to Tae Kwon Do again.

Super Nanny kicked me...

2008-09-08T21:59:00.002-05:00

...right in the seat of my pants. While I was innocently watching Super Nanny last week (and by "watching" I mean judgementally making snide comments about other peoples' inability to effectively parent their children while simultaneously patting myself on the back for my far superior skill) when THWAP! Nanny's proper British, sensibly-shoed foot came flying through the TV and kicked me right between the denim pockets.

The family on last week's show had 6-year-old twins (boys), a 4-year-old (girl), and a 1-year-old (boy). The issues were plentiful. I was just snuggling under the warm blanket of "smug" as the 4-year-old had a 1 1/2 hour stand off about brushing her teeth as her parents pleaded, begged, and caved when Jo (the Super Nanny) bugged her eyes out at the camera when the children (6 year-olds!!!) paged their mom to help them, ah, wipe their "bottoms." Even better, at dinner the children were still all drinking out of sippy cups.

During a commercial, I started thinking about my sweet, darling child. Then I realized. Oh. My child is 4 now. He isn't the most reliable bum-wiper. He can (but won't) dress himself. Is that the smug blanket I feel unraveling? Crap!

So, thanks to Jo/Super Nanny's kick, I have made it my mission to make sure I won't be on the show in two years. I also came up with a theory. This stay-at-home-mom thing has an interesting effect. Based upon an informal survey of moms I know who work vs. those who "stay home", it occurs to me that working moms have independent children much earlier than the homers. Maybe because we're home and have time to "help" longer. Maybe because children who go to daycare/school learn to be independent because their teachers don't have time to wipe 40 butts an hour. Whatever. I'm just glad Ben has been dressing himself, tending to his "personal issues", and becoming an I-can-do-it-myself guy.

Everyone's a Critic

2008-09-02T22:50:00.003-05:00

On Friday, I sat down to get a haircut and decided to do more than the usual "just barely trim the split ends". By the end, I had a brand new look 2-3 inches shorter than before I arrived. It's a not-quite-Posh-Spice and not-as-blonde-as-Jenny-McCarthy bob.

Little did I know that my haircut was going to cause such a disturbance in the force.

Picking up Ben from school:
B: (looks me up and down) Uhh.. Mommy? You look weird.

A few minutes later:
B: Mom, you just look like someone I don't know. Put your real hair back on.

Happy Birthday, Ben

2008-08-31T12:53:00.011-05:00

4 years ago today, Benjamin Charles Mayfield made his grand (albeit SLOW) entrance into the world. He's still cute, still charming, and still doing most everything on his own terms. In honor of what a big boy he is now, I thought I'd randomly select a few pictures from to share.

Ben in his bouncy seat at about 4 months old. I don't think either of us would have survived without it!

First "real" food.. baby cereal. He looked at us like, "THIS is what you're going to feed me? How about some buffalo wings or M&M's? And don't think I don't see you drinking that Diet Coke."

Ah, scary clowns. Can you believe that I let him have his picture taken next to Gymbo the clown? Although he looks happy about it then, at a recent Gymboree birthday party, he informed me that clowns "freak him out." Good boy.

First pool party at Mimi's house.

First job. Not really, it was the first time we visited Paradise Park. He loved playing in the pretend grocery store. Look at how long the child-sized apron was!

I added this one because of the battered child quality. Look at his forehead and his knee. I don't remember exactly how he got either of those. He's sitting on top of his water table, which he still loves playing with.

While I can't even begin to predict what the next 4 years may bring, it's clear that his future's so bright, he's gotta wear shades.

More Birthday Fun

2008-08-26T21:38:00.005-05:00

As promised, here is the video where Nate and Don turn into Mr. Science and give the kids a hands-on (or bodies flying) lesson on Newton's Laws of Motion. I dare you not to giggle.

Bouncin' Birthday Bash

2008-08-25T23:33:00.004-05:00

Yesterday was Ben's birthday party at Pump it Up. I'm not sure who had more fun--- the kids or the adults. I definitely know who was more tired at the end of the night (hint: not the 4-year-olds). Here are a few pictures from the party. Tomorrow, I'll upload the video I took of Nate and Don entertaining the kids with their amazing use Newton's Law of Motion to entertain the kids...

Ready for Taiwan

2008-08-22T21:27:00.003-05:00

Now that he's almost 4, Ben is ready to try some new classes and activities. This summer, he started yoga and loved it. He will continue taking Yoga classes (for preschoolers) in the fall. After Labor Day, he'll begin taking Spanish classes once a week. But, I think he's most excited about his Tae Kwon Do classes (or "Taiwan" as he called it for awhile). Today, we went to register and to pick up his Tae Kwon Do uniform.

An Almost-4 Ben Says

2008-08-21T16:54:00.004-05:00

Concerning his "head trauma" at Silver Dollar City:
B: Do you know what happened on my bay-cation?
Riley: What?
B: Well. My daddy "fro-ed" my head into a ceiling fan. Do you know what a ceiling fan is? (lots of gesturing and flailing)
R: Yeah. A ceiling fan is a fan on a ceiling.
B: Yeah. Well, my daddy froed may head into one and it went SCHWOOP and SMACK and SPLAT (even more gesturing and flailing)
R: Woah.
B: And there was blood everywhere. And I got new shirt, and Daddy got a new shirt, and we all got ice cream.

Last night as I was making dinner:
H (to Don): (discussing people who run while pregnant--I AM NOT PREGNANT) I don't know if I could run. Remember when I was pregnant with Ben I had all that sciatic nerve pain.
B: I didn't give you certain nerve pain. It wasn't me.
H: No, not today. Before you were born.
B: Huh?
H: When you were in Mommy's tummy.
B: (pauses) How did I get out of your tummy.
H: (pauses--- looks at Don who is terribly amused by the question) Well. When it's time for babies to be born, mommies go to the hospital and have a baby.
B: But how?
H: The babies come out at the hospital.
B: But MOMMY, how? How do they come out?
H: (LONG pause) The mommies go to the hospital and a special doctor helps. WOULD YOU LIKE SOME FRUIT SNACKS OR A JUICE BOX?

This morning as I was folding laundry:
B: Oh no! (holds up a bra) Mommy! Why are your boobs on the floor?
H: Honey, that's not "boobs" that's a bra.
B: What's a bra?
H: It's where you put your boobs during the day. (I'm sure THAT one won't come back to haunt me)

This afternoon while he was waiting to get his haircut, Ben played with some other children who were also waiting for a haircut. One little girl was pushing and shoving other kids out of her way. As she approached Ben:
B: (puts his hand out to stop her from getting any closer) Settle down there, Polly Pushes-a-Lot!

Sometimes I think it wouldn't be the worst thing if he was:
1) Shy
2) Quiet
3) Less Intelligible

That's why I like me, too

2008-08-20T17:15:00.005-05:00

Kindermusik classes are in full swing. Last night was the first night for my Tuesday night classes. On their way to class, one little girl said the following to her mom:

"I really like Miss Heather. She has balls."

Yes. Yes I do.

I'm pretty sure she meant the Gertie balls the children play with at the beginning of class, but the kid is pretty bright.

12 Mile Update

2008-08-17T16:42:00.009-05:00

Yesterday, I completed my first 12 mile run. It was not pretty, but I made it. Since I had to teach Kindermusik yesterday morning and "the group" was running WAY out in Olathe, I ran solo with some great new tunes on my iPod for company. Because I didn't have the benefit of water stations, I mapped a course from our house where I'd run in one direction for a few miles, then back home for a break before heading out in a different direction.

Just as I was heading in for my second water stop at mile 6.9, I felt something in my knee "shift" (it wasn't a "pop" exactly..) and the next thing I knew I couldn't straighten or bend it. This made running a bit tricky. I hobbled into the house for an ice pack and contemplated stopping for the day. But, the fact that I hadn't even completed last week's distance bothered me, so (against the advice of Don), I headed back out and promised to run slower and stop if I felt the "shift" again.

So, my last 5.1 miles were spent reminding myself of the following:
* Lance Armstrong had chemo and one nut and still got on that bike and won races.
* Michael Phelps swims 5+ miles everyday. At Olympic speed.
* Worst case scenario: I'll blow out my knee and get to have a Rascal scooter for awhile. Sweet.

I have to admit, I've been infected with the running bug. This is the first time I've ever actively trained for anything and it is awesome to see the results. Plus, the gear is great. In addition to the great shoes and running specific apparel, the world of technology has found the runners. I have a nifty running watch by Nike that keeps track of my pace, distance, and calories as I run. The watch is a band with a USB that uploads to Nike's website and tracks each run, allows me to set goals, and has challenges with people all over the world. Currently, I'm in a 1/2 marathon challenge and a Super Bowl Challenge where participants run 500 miles between September 1st and the day of the Super Bowl. It's really neat to have a connection to runners all over the world. In the 1/2 marathon challenge, I am one of only 3 people in the U.S. Pretty cool. Click here to see the NIKE+ version of me.

The other essential running tool is my iPod. The right song at the right point in a workout can make all the difference. iTunes has all these mixes designed for runners training for a variety of mileage, speed, etc. My current favorite is called "Running to Covers". It's a funky mix of 80's and 90's schmaltzy pop songs set to a punk or techno beat. John Mayer and Fall Out Boy singing "Beat It" (originally by Michael Jackson), a great version of Manic Monday, Time After Time, Straight Up (by everyone's favorite train wreck-- Paula Abdul), the theme from the Kevin Costner version of Robin Hood, etc. Best of all, a version of the horrible theme from Titanic "My Hear Will Go On" by New Found Glory (originally sung my the creepy and awful Celine Dion-- ew. I threw up in my mouth a little just typing her name.). This punk-ish version is so great, I actually sang along.

This week, I'll run 18 miles during the week and then repeat my 12 mile run next Saturday. We've lined up a couple of short races (Nike Human Race 10K on Ben's birthday, Labor Day 5K on the 1st) to compliment my training and to give Don a chance to run with me. I should be in great shape for the Kansas City Half Marathon on October 18th. I haven't decided if I'm running "to finish/ not to die" or if I'm going to set a goal time.

If you live in the Kansas City area, watch out. Now that I have the running bug, I'm looking for my next victim to infect. Next thing you know, you'll get sucked in and you'll be up at 5AM on a Saturday running 10+ miles for FUN.

...and all I got was this lousy t-shirt

2008-08-04T19:32:00.004-05:00

Today, we went to Silver Dollar City in the 100+ degree heat. As we walked around on the asphalt (hot, black, tar asphalt), I realized that a lot of the rides at SDC are like cheap knock-off versions of a theme park populated with a certain mouse. I mean, flying elephants? spinning tea cups? Evidently, those rides are the formula for success because they were two of Ben's favorite rides.

He also really enjoyed the kiddie rides he could ride without a grown up. The butterfly (much like the flying elephant, but smaller), the frogs (they "hopped"), and some really lame ladybugs (all they did was go around and around... I'm pretty sure I jog faster than they moved) were all in his top 5. Of the grown up rides, he like the Flooded Mine ride (ride in a boat and shoot bad guys with guns).

Things were going well, sweaty, but well. We had some lunch and decided it was time for some water rides. As we arrived at the river ride, the guide asked Don to take Ben off his shoulders to check Ben's height. And then it happened. Neither of us realized that there was a ceiling fan just above Don's head and in the second that Don raised Ben up, Ben's head came into contact with the fan. At first, I thought he had just bumped his head, but then I saw the blood oozing down behind his ear and down his neck.

After a mildly panicked moment, we dashed to the first aid station. By this time, Ben had stopped crying, but his head was still bleeding all over his shirt and Don's shirt. I can not say enough nice things about the nurses and staff in the first aid station. They were quick to make Ben feel calm and did a great job getting all the important information without scaring anyone. What we thought was a sliced ear turned out to be a gash on his head just above his ear. The nurse chatted with Ben about Batman, Spiderman, and Power Rangers as she cleaned the area and took a closer look. Another staff member went into action to get Ben and Don new t-shirts to replace the bloody ones. Still another staff member promised Ben ice cream for being so brave and filled out a coupon for all of us to have free ice cream at the homemade ice cream store.

The nurse had told us that she had a little boy who was 3 1/2. When she got the cut cleaned up, she had me look at it and told me it was "borderline" for stitches. I asked what she would do if it were her son and she said she wouldn't put him through the trauma of stitches. Whew. So, she put some hydrogen peroxide spray (how cool is that?) and some neosporin on his noggin. Because the fan hit Ben's head, they asked Ben some questions and checked his responses to some tests for a head trauma. All the while he was chatting up a storm and charming the pants off the whole office. Our nurse asked (with a huge grin) if we thought he was responding "normally". When we confirmed that, yes, that's our boy, we set. The boys changed shirts, they bagged the others, and we were on our way. And, would you believe that we didn't have to pay a single dime? Not even for the t-shirts. As much as everything else at SDC costs, I was sure we had run up quite a bill. Nope. Just a "have a nice day."

So, we will put our plans to visit White Water (water park) on hold until Wednesday or Thursday to give Ben's noggin time to heal. Ben wanted us to take pictures of his head and can't wait to wear his SDC t-shirt (which is camouflage and says "Wild Thing"... how perfect is that?) and tell Riley the tale of his visit. (Not sure why it was Riley he was dying to tell, but he mentioned it almost as soon as he stopped crying and has reminded me several times since.) I know those are photos you can't wait for me to post.

Is this vacation?

2008-08-03T15:26:00.004-05:00

Here we are in day 3 of our vacation. A quick run down of the stats (so far):

* 1, 132: the number of times Ben has asked, "Guys? When will we be at vacation?"

* 99-100: actual high temperature (not counting the heat index) every day. With the heat index? I don't know. What is temperature on the surface of the sun?

* 8: number of slices of bacon Ben ate at breakfast yesterday (that's 3 side orders in case you're wondering).

*10.2: number of miles Heather ran on the extremely hilly roads around the resort beginning at 5:00AM on Saturday morning.

* $3.39: price for a gallon of gas (cheap!)

* 0: number of Target stores in Branson. (Ben is so sad. Only Wal-Marts. Bummer.)

*1: number of Starbuck's in Branson. (It's WAAAY down the main strip and would take about 45 minutes to get there with average traffic. Needless to say, we haven't been there. But, I did see it. Ah, the little signs of civilization.)

*256: number of wet stairs in the Talking Rocks Cave on which Don carried Ben when we visited the cave earlier today.

*50+: number of times Don has said, "Shoji Tabuchi" and then giggled. If he doesn't stop soon, I'm buying him a "Soji" t-shirt and making him wear it. To get in on the joke, visit the Soji website.

Space Bags II

2008-07-28T12:38:00.004-05:00

Boy Mom

2008-07-23T23:42:00.003-05:00

Before I became a "boy mom" I used to think there wasn't much difference between boys and girls. BOY, oh BOY was I wrong.

While I was pregnant, I craved KFC with lots of gravy. I knew right then and there (well before any ultrasound could confirm) that I was having a boy. A girl would simply NOT do that to her mother.

Last week, Ben was riding in the van after yoga class (his, not mine):
B: Mommy, which teacher is Miss Lindsay?
H: What?
B: Mommy. At "yoda". Which one is Miss Lindsay?
H: She had on the yellow shirt.
B: (dreamy look in his eyes) Oh. Miss Lindsay with the boobs.
H: What?
B: Jeez, Mom. Not BIG ones. Just boobs like this... (he put his hand under his shirt and pushed it out just a small amount... you know... to make "not big ones".) What's the other teacher?
H: Trina?
B: Yes. Trina has the BIIIIIGGGG boobs.

Saturday at lunch, after he ate a huge bag of Dorito's:
B: Hey, Mommy.. smell my tongue.

On the edge of a psychotic break

2008-07-18T16:57:00.005-05:00

Have you been wondering where all the blog posts have been? Perhaps you thought since I was 30, I'd become too old and frail to continue my blog. Not quite the case. Now that I've purchased a new pair of reading glasses from the dollar bin at Target, I'm ready to update you on my first few weeks as an old woman.

Since my birthday 2 weeks ago, I think I might be exhibiting some of the signs of a psychotic break. I remember from Psychology 101 that people in their early 30's are at a higher risk for some sort of psychotic episode. Here's the evidence:

* The day before my birthday, I joined a running club and am training to run a half-marathon in October. I've been averaging about 8-10 miles (total) during the week and then 6-8 miles (all at once) on Saturday mornings beginning at 6:00. To answer your questions: 1) No, I'm not being chased, nor is there a big Nordstrom shoe sale at the finish line. 2) Nope. I'm still NOT a morning person, but it's WAY too hot to run at an hour I would deem reasonable.

* On a whim, I decided that all the white molding in the house needed to be repainted IMMEDIATELY. Oh, and the doors. Oh, and we should probably touch up the walls in the places they need it.

* Last Friday, the 3-door medicine cabinet and "Hollywood" lights that have lived in our bathroom for all of eternity became unacceptable. As did the "Hook 'em Horns" wall color. So, a trip to Lowe's provided a new cabinet (oops! It was a few inches smaller than the big hole in the wall), a new light fixture (which required a different hole in the wall and some wiring), drywall, primer, paint, more paint, rollers, brushes, etc. When I put the first coat of drywall putty on, I thought it was strange, but kept going. After it dried, I realized it was ceramic tile adhesive, not drywall compound. Oops. Back to Lowe's for a power sander and heavy sandpaper.

* Yesterday, as I began to inspect the front room to tape the walls (for the molding painting, you know), I saw that the faux paint finish I did in there several years ago has chipped and can not be repaired. So, there are several paint swatches now hanging in our front room. I might wait to start that until Kindermusik is completely finished next week.

I'm sure there are more crazy things that have happened in the last week, but I've forgotten them. Call it early Alzheimer's.

Don't Mess with the Mayfield

2008-07-01T18:07:00.002-05:00

This week, Ben says:

After chasing the cat for a "snuggle:
B: Gertie, I love you very much, but-- you know what? Sometimes I just wish you'd be still. (So young, so MUCH irony.)

Sunday night, dinner at my parents' house:
H: What friends do you want to have at your birthday party?
B: Ummmm.... lots. Like Riley, and Will, and Jack, and...
H: Which Riley?
B: Good Riley AND Bad Riley.
H: Ben. Remember, we're not going to call them that. Can you remember their last names?
B: Yep. Riley Wineinger and Riley Phelan.
H: Right.
?: Isn't Riley's dad a doctor? (I can't remember who asked.)
B: (emphatically) Nope. He just dresses up as one.
(Sorry, Ryan. I guess those years of college and that office you go to everyday is all an elaborate sham.)

While driving home from dinner last night:
B: Awww. That lady just dusted our car. GROSS!
H: What?
D: (laughing) That woman in the car next to us just blew cigarette smoke out her window toward our car.
B: That's horrible. Now our van is dirty. She's a BAD lady.

Preschool Pick up:
H: Hey, Bud! Did you have a good day?
B: Sure.
H: What did you do?
B: Ummm, why don't you ask Miss Lori. She knows.

What to Buy (according to Ben)

2008-06-26T07:52:00.005-05:00

It's been far too long since my last installment of "What to Buy". Today's suggestion comes directly from Benjamin Charles Mayfield who wants to assist you in taming that jungle of clothes and extra bedding in your closet.

I'm not sure if Ben and Don have come up with the perfect birthday gift for me or if Ben is just watching too much Cartoon Network. (Before watching the video, you can view the real commercial here: Space Bag Commercial.)

Secretly, I'm delighted by his desire and interest in organization and efficient storage solutions and his fascination with info-mercial programming. Proof that my genes win again! I am the person who spent months obsessed with any info-mercial with Ron Popeil. You know, the man who brought us the "Set it and Forget it" Rotisserie with the "Flavor Injector." (He also brought us the inside the egg scrambler, spay on hair in a can, the RonCo pasta maker, and the pocket fisherman). I bet you can get any of those items right now(!) for the low, low price of $19.95. And, I bet they'll even throw in a free set of knives.

Holy Gert-amole

2008-06-22T10:11:00.004-05:00

One of my favorite blogs, Dooce , has a daily feature called the "Daily Chuck" in which she takes pictures of her very tolerant dog balancing crazy things on his head. Sometimes it's a whole box of dog treats, sometimes it's a tea cup and saucer. Whatever it is, they are always funny. While cramming Gertie into a small box (just to see if I could), it occurred to me that Getrie was at the perfect age not to know better and thus "The Weekly Gert" has been created.

Just a bird away from a three-ring-circus

2008-06-21T14:55:00.005-05:00

A week ago, I got an email advertising a darling kitten in need of a good home. I forwarded the email to Don suggesting that she would make a perfect anniversary/30th birthday gift. Now, a kitten is not a new suggestion in our house... it usually goes like this:
H: At Petsmart today they had the cutest kitten.

D: In the yellow pages, I found the cutest divorce attorney.
-or-

H: Ben, wouldn't it be fun if we had a kitty at our house?
B: Yeah. It would be so sweet.
H: Tell Daddy.
B: Daddy? We need a kitty at our house.
D: Sorry, buddy. It's a kitty or me, but we can't have both.

Imagine my surprise on Friday when Don emailed me back to agree. Let's set up a play date with the dogs, he said. If it all goes well, we can keep her. The play date went well. (Well: an adjective meaning "neither dog ate the kitten and the kitten didn't draw blood from any living things or poop/barf anywhere".)

The next important step was deciding on a name. Ben suggested Shawna. (I know, what 80's movie has he been watching... Shawna? Seriously?) The name list got narrowed down to "Penny Lane" (for Kate Hudson's character in Almost Famous, not the Beatles song) or "Gertrude". We've settled on Gertrude, but we call her "Gertie" or "Gert".

Gertie is 8-weeks old and weighs in at a whopping 2.2 pounds. Harper is terrified of her and gives her lots of space. Yesterday, Harper actually stayed in the same room with Gertie for a few minutes... definite progress. Abby is obsessed. We can't decide if it's a playful obsessed or a carnivorous obsessed, but the two have come to an agreement... Abby can follow Gertie everywhere and drool on her head. If she gets too close, Gertie swipes her nose and Abby backs off. Ben is in love. He hugs her, chases her, hugs her, SQUEEZES her, and chases her when she runs away. Then he repeats that sequence until we tell him to LEAVE THE POOR CAT ALONE.

ESP

2008-06-20T18:16:00.003-05:00

Yesterday, while returning from the swimming pool, we had to stop at a train crossing. As I slowed down, I mumbled under my breath something about waiting for a train with $4 a gallon gas in the tank. From the backseat, I hear:

B: Awww, crap. A train.

Baby Aidan

2008-06-17T23:31:00.003-05:00

At long last, we finally know what "kind" of baby Miss Amy (or just "Amy") and Aaron (or "Ernie" as Ben calls him) are having. IT'S A BOY!! Baby Aidan Dean Pennington made his entrance today at 11:17am weighing in at 7 pounds and 10 1/2 ounces and measuring 21 inches "tall".

H: Ben! Guess what? While you were at school today, Miss Amy had her baby!
B: Wow, Mommy! Awww, a cute baby girl.
H: Nope. Miss Amy and Ernie's baby is a boy. His name is Aidan.
B: But wait. I thought she was having a Baby Hannah. (Ben calls all baby girls "Baby Hannah" after Hannah Davis)
H: No, sweetie. He's a boy.
B: (long silent pause) Well. That's good, too. Now he can be a Power Ranger. (suddenly excited) Mommy! I'm going to invite him to my birthday party. My birthday party at Pump it Up. My Power Ranger Red Ranger Party. (giggling) That's just great. Little sweetie. We should play with him and kiss him soon.

Yes, yes we should.

Visit Aidan's website and see pictures of the little man here.

Captain Perceptive

2008-06-13T13:35:00.003-05:00

While Don and I were in San Antonio earlier this week, Ben spent time at Camp Mimi and G-Dad. While they were at DeAnna Rose Farmstead, Ben told a stranger that his parents were gone because they were "taking a vacation from me." Smart little thing, isn't he?

San Antonio was wonderful. We relaxed, lounged at the hotel pool, and spontaneously went to 2 movies. We even spent more than 25 minutes eating dinner and NEVER ONCE did we have to move a Power Ranger or a Ninja Turtle to reach our food. Several people have asked, "So... why San Antonio?" or "What do you DO in San Antonio?" Clearly, those asking are the DO SOMETHING sort of vacationers rather than the DO NOTHING sort of vacationers of which I am an expert. Let me sum up or vacation with an example: Our plane arrived in San Antonio around noon on Sunday. By 8:00 that night, we had already purchased and consumed $60 worth of margaritas and I had eaten my weight (and added some!) in guacamole. Add in the sun and time at the pool and that is a perfect vacation.

We returned home on Wednesday, just in time to pick Ben up at school. When he saw us he said, "HUGS!" I was touched until I realized that he meant "HUGS!" for a little girl in his class, not us. In fact, he said, "But I wanted Mimi to pick me up. Not you." Later, he confessed that he missed us, but "just a little bit... not a lot."

They got married on a TUESDAY?

2008-06-03T22:05:00.005-05:00

Today, Don and I have been married 8 years. What did we do to mark the occasion? Well, Don did a site visit to a Sprint call center and listened in on customer service calls all day. I worked on some curriculum resources, took the van in to the dealer to have the air bag malfunction fixed, and played Power Rangers with Ben.

At about 9:30 this morning, my cell phone rang.
D: I can't believe you let me out of the house without telling you 'happy anniversary' today.
H: Yeah, I know. A few minutes ago, I just realized what the date was.
D: Well, Happy Anniversary.
H: Yeah, you too. Happy Anniversary.

Awww, the romance. I can hardly wait to see what our 50 year anniversary is like.

Wondering about the title of this blog? A few years ago, Don and I were on the phone and he told me it was his co-worker's first anniversary. I immediately flew into a rant that went something like this:
H: THEY GOT MARRIED ON A TUESDAY? THAT IS THE MOST STUPID THING I'VE EVER HEARD. WHO GETS MARRIED ON A TUESDAY? HOW DOES THAT EVEN WORK? YOU ASK ALL YOUR GUESTS TO TAKE A SICK DAY? WHAT, IS IT CHEAPER? JEEZ.
Don: I'm just going to give you a minute.
H: Huh? (pause) OOOOOHHHHHHH. Oops.

That little exchange pretty much sums up why we work so well together.

This weekend, we are heading to San Antonio for an anniversary vacation. Ben will stay at Camp Mimi, thus making it a "vacation" and not a "trip."

Ready to write checks and sign credit card receipts

2008-05-29T22:28:00.003-05:00

Watch out world... Check out what Ben did for the first time (all by himself!) today:

Rock Star Photo Session

2008-05-18T17:31:00.003-05:00

This afternoon, we had a "Rock Star" photo session for Ben at FLASH photography. This session came complete with an electric guitar and a microphone hooked up to an amplifier, and yes, kids, a fog machine. Ben charmed the pants off the photographers by singing "Welcome to the Jungle" by Guns-n-Roses, "Fight for Your Right" and "No Sleep 'Til Brooklyn" by the Beastie Boys, and "Mama Said Knock You Out" by LL Cool J.

I am so pleased with the photos-- both the fun rock star photos and the traditional photos. The photographers were great with Ben and took wonderful pictures. I'd definitely recommend them! When our session was over, the photographer asked if I'd be willing to sign a release to use the photos in advertising. Sure. Why not? Maybe we'll see Ben's picture at Oak Park Mall soon. Like that will do good things for his already large ego.

You can view the photos from the session following the instructions below:
1) Go to http://www.flashportraits.com
2) Click on "My Portraits"
3) Click on "Go to My Portraits"
4) In the box that says, "Find Your Images", enter our last name: Mayfield
5) The password is: Mayfield

You'll be able to view thumbnails of the entire session. If you click on a thumbnail, it will enlarge the photo so you can get a better look.

The Ring Bear

2008-05-17T11:21:00.004-05:00

Today, a little story from the "Ummmm... are you SURE?" file. It's also cross-referenced with the "Do you know what you're getting yourself into" file and the "Ben needs a sedative, Mommy needs a happy pill" file.

In December, Wendy and Justin took a trip to Paris. They got engaged and decided to have the wedding exactly one year later... in Florida. HOORAY! A trip to Florida in December? Sign me up. Then, they asked Ben to be the ring bearer. I know, my ADORABLE kid in a tuxedo. I had similar warm and fuzzy thoughts for about 3 seconds. Yikes. My child? My mostly noisy, very funny, often crazy child? Maybe he can be the first sleeping ring bearer. He's totally adorable and well-behaved when he's asleep.

When I asked Ben if he'd like to be a ring bearer, his face lit up. Too much.
B: You mean a BEAR? And I will wear a costume?
H: Well, sort of. You'll get to wear a tuxedo. But it's not a "BEAR" it's a "BEAR-ER".
B: (furrows his brow) But I will be a bear?
H: No, honey. "Bearer" means you carry something. Your job is to carry the rings.
B: Rings? Like Saturn?
H: No, love. Rings. Like on fingers. Like Mommy's ring. See? (pointing to my ring)
B: But mommy, I'm NOT SUPPOSED TO EVER, NEVER TOUCH YOUR RING. I'm sorry I touched your ring and your bracelets. (see side note)
H: (rolling my eyes) It's going to be so fun to be a ring bearer. Guess what else? The wedding is in Florida.
B: At Aunt Nancy's beach?
H: No.
B: But that's not Florida then.
H: Maybe we'll talk about it again later.

(Side note: One recent evening, I gave Ben a bath and stepped out of the bathroom for a minute. When I returned, my Pandora and Troll charms and bracelets, my wedding ring, and my watch were all floating at the bottom of the tub. I snapped. I yelled, "What in the hell are you doing?" Ben cried. A lot. Ben ran to Don as he repeated--through sobs-- "Mommy is so mad at me. So mad. She's really, really mad at me." About 30 minutes later, I apologized for yelling and Ben promised that he would NEVER, EVER, EVER touch my jewelry again.)

A few weeks ago, a box from Amazon.com appeared on our doorstep. This is cause for great celebration at Casa de Mayfield because Ben and I love getting "stuff." It was addressed to Ben so I helped him open the box. Inside, he found 3 books from Wendy and Justin about being a ring bearer. The Ring Bearer is a rhyming book that explains the basics of the job. Ben liked it, except for the kissing part. 10 Cool Things About Being a Ring Bearer really caught his attention when we got to #4 (The Ring Bearer gets to walk in front of the bride... "I'm the leader?"), #7 (...Then we all went to the reception where there was lots of yummy food.. "Like Root Beer and cake?") and #8 (A Ring Bearer gets a gift from the groom... "Like Blaster Michelangelo or Motorcycle Leonardo?"). He was also excited by the idea that he would get to "stay up late"-- as if that is different from any other night around here.

By far our favorite book is The Ring Bear. Evidently Ben is not the first kid to hear "bear" from "bearer." Awesome. This will explain it so much better than my previous attempt. It was written by a woman in Fremont, NE (home of the famous Katie Henricks Davis AND Irv's Sandwich shop). This was perfect.

The story goes like this:
Little Robert loves bears. Real and stuffed-- even graham cracker bears. He is so excited to be the ring bear in his Aunt Jane's wedding. Robert practices carrying a plate of peas (oops, they fall on the floor). No problem, the rings will be attached to the pillow. He finds out he'll wear a suit. A black and white one.. just like a panda. Robert preps for the wedding by growling at the dog, eating berries and honey (grapes and apple juice). He crawls around the house with a pillow on his back carrying his glow-in-the-dark ring. (At this point in the story, Ben is barely breathing he's so engrossed in the story.)

It's all fun and games until the rehearsal. Robert is crushed to find out his black and white suit with a tail is a tuxedo. And why on earth would they go to a church? A bear should perform at the zoo or a park. That's when Robert has a meltdown. He stomps. He pouts. He refuses to be in the wedding. (At his point in the story, I'm a little worried about how closely life might imitate art.) He tells Aunt Jane someone else can be the ring bearer. He's NOT interested. But, Aunt Jane doesn't want someone else and Robert growls but agrees. The next day, Robert wore his suit and was the "best little ring bearer". At the reception, he had fun growling at the flower girl and hiding in a bear cave (under a table) crawling around on the floor. Everyone agreed he was the best "ring bear" they had ever seen.

We finished reading the book for the 3rd or 4th time and I decided to have a little comprehension conversation with Ben.
H: What did Robert love?
B: Bears. All kinds.
H: Right! What was he going to do at the wedding?
B: Be a ring bear.
H: Good. But, was her really a bear?
B: No. He didn't get to.
H: What else happened?
B: Well, he wanted to be a panda, but he had to wear something else. There was no growling at the church. He was MAD.
H: But then what happened?
B: Ummm.. he did it.
H: Right! See, Robert was a ring bear-ER. Not a bear. Just like you'll be a ring BEARER.
B: No way. I'm not Robert. I'm Benjamin Charles Mayfield. I'm going to be a bear.

Well, back to the old drawing board. Maybe if we watch a video of Riley being a ring bearer it will sink in. If not, I hope Wendy and Justin are prepared for a darling boy in a tuxedo growling at the guests.

Whew. I'm glad THAT's over.

2008-05-16T15:53:00.006-05:00

So here I sit on a Friday afternoon footloose and fancy free after completing my last Kindermusik classes, making 13 pounds of chicken salad on Monday night, making 13 pounds of chicken pasta salad on Tuesday night, making 4 dozen cookies on Wednesday night, finishing up end-of-the-year teacher's gifts for Ben's 4 teachers, attending Ben's spring program at school, and getting half of the "before classes start again" work done for the upcoming summer of Kindermusik. Whew.

Today, Ben and I welcomed a new routine. One of waking up whenever. Of leisurely hanging out. One of doughnuts in the park followed by lunch in the park, followed by playing in the park until we felt like going home. Clearly this routine agrees with Ben who has said, "It's sure great that...." or "It's really good that we..." in front of almost every sentence today. As in, "It's really good that we got doughnuts with 'frinkles'." and "It's sure great that we're having lunch in the park."

In honor of our new routine, I thought I'd post two pictures of Ben on his last day of school.

In the next few days, I'll post some highlights of the last few weeks including:
* The many adventures of the "Ring Bear"
* Play by play of Ben's spring program hopefully with video (esp. where he sings about "Jesus in a box" and the stormy relationship between pilgrims and Indians).
* Why one should never go to Home Depot and on a whim decide to re-do all the landscaping in the backyard.

Actually, my name is Leonardo

2008-04-27T07:46:00.007-05:00

Before Ben was born, I swore I would NOT, under any circumstances, EVER allow a child of mine to wear costumes in public if the date was not October 31st. I thought it was funny to see a little girl in her jeans, a tutu and fairy wings, and plastic high heels at the grocery store or a little boy with shorts, a Superman pajama top with a cape, and cowboy boots at Target. Funny, but embarrassing. Who lets their kid go out looking like that?

I also swore I wasn't going to be a "weapons" mom. While I understand that the hard-wiring on the Y chromosome clearly carried some need to pretend to shoot things, a child of mine would have to be creative enough to build a weapon out of Legos or straws. We would NOT have a house full of guns, swords, etc.

Fast-forward to the present day. Who lets their kid go out looking like that? Turns out I do. But, it's not a costume that my kid wears... it's weapons.

Thank you, dear Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles for introducing my son to the weapons of a ninja. Most of all, thank you for having turtle shells (that during the mutating process that made you grow as big as people and learn to speak and eat pizza) suddenly come equipped with convenient storage for your weapons.

See how Leonardo (the blue mask) wears his swords? Turns out, poor Benjamin Charles Mayfield wasn't born with a sword holder on his back, so he had to improvise. One day, he started cramming two swords down the back of his shirt. The next thing I know, I began allowing him to wear them until he got into the van. Later, it was "into the store." Next thing I know, he's wearing swords everywhere we go except school.

The swords have made an appearance at Target, the grocery store, Costco, the library, every house we visit, and restaurants. It's become a ritual that when we go out for dinner I say, "If you take out your swords at dinner..." and Ben chimes in with, "I know. You'll take them away."

He wears them so often, I think he looks a little naked when he leaves them in the van to attend preschool (strict NO WEAPONS policy, even for turtles). Everywhere we go, people comment. Ok, they point and laugh, then they comment. We hear, "Look at that little boy with his swords." Then they say, "I like your swords." Ben looks them in the eye and says, "Hi. My name is Leonardo."

Recently, we were at a party at a friends' house. A mom I hadn't met before said, "Are you Leo's mom?" I looked totally confused. She tried again, "Leo? Little guy with blondish-brown hair? He has swords on his back?"

At our every-Friday-night dinner spot, everyone from the hostess and servers, to the manager say, "Hey! It's Leonardo! How are you?" Often, they bring over other servers who haven't had the pleasure of having us sit at their table to meet the famous Leonardo.

You'd think that this sword-wearing phase would be restricted to hours when Ben is awake. Clearly you don't know the obsessive nature of my son. Turns out those swords can be crammed down the back of a pair of pajamas just as easily as a shirt. Heck, you can even sleep with them. I think the point is that you never know when you're going to need them. That, and, that we're all really good parents BEFORE we have kids.

Rock Chalk Jayhawk

2008-04-10T19:17:00.013-05:00

The celebration of the Jayhawk National Championship is now even better since Coach Self has promised to stay at KU. Not that we haven't been celebrating... After the exciting win on Monday, we picked Ben up early from school on Tuesday and joined 20,000 of our closest friends at Memorial Stadium to welcome the team home.

In honor of the Jayhawk victory, here's a little historical review of our own little Jayhawk.

Baby Jayhawk
November 2004

Ben and Allyson
January 2005

"Jay" Walking
November 2005

First visit to the big Jayhawk on campus
July 2005

We're a Jayhawk Family
November 2007

Future Frat Boys
(Ben and Linus)
January 2008

10 Random Things

2008-04-06T12:57:00.003-05:00

Because Amy tagged me and nobody loves a good list as much as I do, here is a list of 10 random things about me (in no particular order).

1. I am obsessed with buying can koozies. (You know, those trashy foam things that you put a can in?) I love them. I firmly believe that diet coke from a can is only acceptable when consumed while inside a koozie.

2. I can't use text-messaging short hand because it drives the grammar teacher in me crazy. (ex: b4 for before, U for you)

3. If given the opportunity, I would eat only salt & vinegar potato chips for the rest of my life.

4. When I was 3 or 4, I was on Romper Room. I had to be told to let the other kids have a turn in the tunnel (I kept going through then running right back to the front of the line).

5. In the last year, I have come to believe in angels. Well, one anyway. (I miss Allyson so much).

6. Right now, I'm reading "I Was a Really Good Mom Before I Had Kids" and "Nineteen Minutes." One is a feel-better-about-yourself-parenting book, the other is a fiction novel about a high school shooting.

7. I purposefully think of words I know Ben can't pronounce and then find reasons for him to say them over and over. Right now, it's "pink fury" (a Backyardagains thing), "trick", and "Band aid."

8. I can't stand black licorice. The smell alone makes me sick.

9. Someday I want to live on water--- lake, or ideally, an ocean.

10. I think "fart", "poop", and "burp" humor is hilarious. I laugh like a 13-year-old boy. (Just typing the words made me chuckle.)

Truth in Advertising...

2008-04-04T08:03:00.003-05:00

..and, why I haven't been blogging as often.

True Self

2008-03-14T09:00:00.004-05:00

Yesterday, Ben's class had pajama day. As if the fun and excitement of wearing PJ's to school wasn't enough, the children also had their faces painted. Darby (a little girl in Ben's class) is lucky enough to have a mom who does amazing face painting for parties, etc..

She couldn't have done a better job capturing the true essence of Ben.... even if it does mean he has green skin and horns. He was SO pleased with the results.

Here is a link to her photo gallery. Soon, there will be a set of photos from Ben's class.

Captain Obvious

2008-03-10T22:03:00.002-05:00

The waiting is over. Bright and early Saturday morning, Ben pad, pad, padded into our room, positioned his face within millimeters of mine and said:

B: Mom. Mommy.
H: What? It's VERY early in the morning.
B: But Mom. This is a buh-mergency.
H: Oh, what is it (suddenly very awake, thinking something was on fire or worse, that he had peed somewhere gross)
B: Well, can we go to the dog store? Harper would like to come too. Do you know why, Mommy?
H: Why?
B: Because one of my fish got taken out.
H: (pause: thinking--- SWEET! No death talk. No funeral in the bathroom.)
B: Yeah. So we gotta go to the dog store to get a new fish.

So, it only took him 22 days to notice. Maybe not the most perceptive child on the planet, but can you believe my luck? It was a total non-event. Yep. It's totally normal for fish to just disappear. And, of course you just go to the store and get new ones. It's just like the pairs of socks where you can't find the mate or Barbie shoes (remember how you could never keep track of those stupid things?).

When we went to the "dog store" (PetCo) on Sunday to get a new fish, Ben suggested that we might get 2, just in case we "losed" another one. Good thinking. So, we now have 3 little fish swimming in the tank. Names? Ash, Dawn, and Pikachu (peek-uh-jew). Evidently, "team" isn't a good name for a solo fish, so he had to file paperwork to legally change his name. "Dawn" is the girl Pokemon trainer... and thus, the obsession continues (see previous post ).

Subliminal Messages

2008-03-04T21:26:00.003-06:00

Goodbye Scooby-Doo. Hello Pokemon (Po-kay-mon). Ben's latest obsessive show has even LESS educational value than the first and even more potential for inappropriate behavior. The craziest part is that he has uncovered a secret side to Pokemon.

Now for those of you not in-the-know, Pokemon is some bizarre Japan-i-mation type cartoon. It's about a boy named Ash who goes on a never-ending quest to be the best Pokemon Trainer ever. What's a Pokemon? Little creatures with various powers and personalities that Ash must catch in a Poke Ball and then train to battle other Pokemon who are owned by other Pokemon Trainers for no apparent reason. I also learned on Wikipedia that Pokemon is evidently Japanese for "Pocket Monsters." That doesn't make them better. Oh, that and it was created by our good friends at Nintendo and the whole purpose of the cartoon was to sell video games. Quality children's programming.

The first Pokemon that Ash captured (way back in 1995) was named Pikachu (peek uh chew) (see photo below).

I forgot to mention, Pokemon can only say their names... it might be the most annoying part of the show. A common series of dialogue would go like this:
Ash: Pikachu
Pikachu: Peek-a, peek-a (high pitched voice, like saying "EEK!" at a mouse)
Ash: Activate "lightning bolt attack"
Pikahcu: PPPPPEEEEEEEKKKKKKK-AAAAAAAA-CHUUUUUUUUUUU (voice becomes possessed and growly, but still high-pitched... like nails on a chalkboard)
(background noise: Heather shoving an ice pick in her ears)

Ben REALLY loves this show and I think his favorite part is acting out random scenes from the show. It was during just such a recreation that Don and I discovered the strange undercurrent that obviously runs through the show.

While playing hide-and-seek in my collection of throw pillows on our bed, he said the following:

B: I'm a Pokemon. Guess which one..
H: Ok.

B: Bagel. Bagel.
H: ummmmmmm.....
B: Duh, Mommy. I'm Peek-a-Jew.

Yeah. You read that correctly... that's what he calls the little yellow guy and that's what he says when he pretends to be said Pokemon.

Prince Charming

2008-02-22T12:41:00.004-06:00

I'm not really sure what I'm being buttered up for, but it must be something big. Quotes from the last few days:

Thursday, while getting dressed in the AM
H: There you go! You're all dressed.
B: (looks himself up and down, then looks me up and down) Wow, Mom. You know what?
H: What?
B: We're HOT! We look goooooooooooood.

Wednesday afternoon
B: Mommy, you're such a tiny thing. You're SOOOOOOO cute.

Monday evening
B: What can I help ya' do, Babe?
H: Well, I'm making dinner...
B: I'll be your sa-sis-tant (assistant). You're the master, Mom.
H: That's great. Thanks for helping me.
B: Of course. You're de-wight-ful.

These little moments have been sprinkled with a frequent dose of "Awww, Mom. You're the best." I wonder what he wants.... or maybe more accurately... I wonder what he DID.

Side note: He still hasn't noticed that Baseball isn't swimming around. Now I find myself sending him over to talk to "the fish", just to see how long it's going to take.

When will it be summer?

2008-02-19T23:04:00.004-06:00

Because today was one of those days when you feel like it's going to be cold and miserable outside forever.

details: June 2005. Ben was 10 months old and not the least bit ashamed of his flabby baby boobies.

Big News

2008-02-16T21:47:00.006-06:00

What an exciting week! Full of big happenings and big news. Ok, STOP. Do you seriously think I'm knocked up? Enough. I'm not. Move on.

This week has been a week of milestones. Ben has officially stopped peeing in his sleep. Wa-hoo! Now if we can just convince him that he really doesn't need to wear a pull-up at night. It's not required. Really, he can just wear underwear. This seems completely crazy to him and we continue to have long conversations about it each night at bedtime that end in me sighing and giving in to a pull-up.

Second milestone of the week: Ben has a "real" pet. He informed me on Monday that he was very sad because he didn't have a pet. "What about those two hairy smelly things that wander our house eating your snacks," I asked. Nope. Those things? Those are "yours and Daddy's pets." I stand corrected. What he really needed, he lamented, was a pet of his very own. Better yet, two pets. Maybe dogs. Nope? Not giving in? Well, how about fish? Well played, Little Man. Start with something so outrageous that even you know it's not going to happen. Then, slide in something that, by contrast, seems not only reasonable, but maybe even a GOOD idea.

Tuesday after school, we trudged to the pet store and Ben chose two of the most beautiful 12-cent "feeder" goldfish he could find. ("Feeder" as in they the goldfish they FEED to the real fish.) We got the tank all ready and introduced the guys (gals? how do you tell?) to their new home.

Their names, you ask? Well, we went through several naming cycles. When he first mentioned getting fish, he only wanted one and he was going to name it Barack Obama (can you tell who Mommy and Daddy might be supporting in our upcoming election?). Then, he realized, hey-- one fish is great, but two is better. He thought "Harper's Best Friend" and "Abby's Best Friend" were perfect names. But, when it came down to it, that's far too much to say when you are giving fish a verbal instruction, so he settled on "Baseball" and "Team." You know... Baseball Team.

"Baseball" is all orange, "Team" has a black stripe

Ben spent the next hour sitting on the floor watching them swim around. About every 5 minutes, he'd climb up by the tank, hug it and then flick the lights on and off.. on and off... on and off... (only really quickly). I mentioned that the poor fish were going to have seizures and that I didn't know fishy-CPR, so he should lay off the light show.

There may have been something to that seizure thing because Friday morning, I went over to the tank and found that Baseball was, ummm, "out of the park". Before Ben woke up, Don and I said a few kind words about good ol' Baseball and sent him to his final resting place.

All day I waited for Ben to notice that "Team" was without a sport. I silently practiced all sorts of scenarios for where he had gone..... Baseball camp? SCHOOL (get it?)? That "Baseball" was really a secret agent and had been called away on a top secret mission to the toilet? That he had joined the "Disney on Ice" production of Finding Nemo? The kid never asked.

So, here it is Saturday night and another day has gone by without Ben noticing that one of his beloved pets is gone. Man, I'm glad we didn't decide to buy him a little brother or sister.

Ooooh, Barracuda

2008-02-10T19:25:00.000-06:00

Ben is well on his way to becoming a rock star. He prefers classic guitar rock and won't play "Freebird" no matter how much you yell.

Just Doin' Our Thing

2008-01-29T16:59:00.000-06:00

Last Friday, we headed to dinner at a local Mexican restaurant. We were seated next to a huge sign that said, "Jose Cuervo Margaritas 2 for $7 EVERYDAY!". Well, if you insist. It had been a "bit of a week", so when the waitress asked if I'd like another margarita, I said that, yes, I really did. Thank you for asking.

Waitress: Would you like another margarita?
H: Actually, I would. Thank you.
B: Excuse me, but I want a marga-ree-ter, too.
W: You do? May I see some ID?
B: Here ya' go (holds up the Mexican flag toothpick that was stuck in his corn masa--- smarty pants)
W: Well, that's good enough for me.
B: (as we waves his hand in the air toward the waitress)Yeah, I need a marga-ree-ter. You go do your thing.

So proud. All the hard work we've put in teaching him how to speak to others and to be an upstanding citizen. My kid puts it to use ordering underage alcoholic beverages.

When the waitress returned, she had a margarita for me and a shot glass for Ben. The shot glass looked like a marga-reet-er... it had a lime wedge and everything. She had mixed a little Sprite with some lime juice. He was, well, about as excited as I was to see my margarita.

After he thanked her for his drink, he held his new drink high in the air and said, "Cheers, everyone. Cheers to marga-ree-ters." Yep. I'll drink to that.

After tasting his "ree-ter", he said, "Whew. That is some sour water. I really like it."

That Creepy Uncle

2008-01-25T00:08:00.000-06:00

Perhaps in families larger than ours (only children who marry only children, you know), creepy uncles aren't so rare. In our family, however, we don't have any. We have to look beyond our stubby little family tree to give Ben the weird uncle experience.

Thank goodness for tax season. More to the point, thank goodness for those poor souls who stand at busy intersections dressed up as Uncle Sam and wave at traffic in hopes of....what? Inspiring someone to have their taxes done RIGHT NOW. By a company who believes that credibility comes from a costume rental store. And, may we reflect a moment on how much that job sucks. You dress like Uncle Sam (or the Statue of Liberty) in the freezing cold and wave for hours on end. Have you noticed these people? It's nuts.

As we've driven by the "Sams" in the past week, I've been pointing them out to Ben. Usually saying something like, "Wave at Uncle Sam, Ben. He's waving at you." -or- "Hi, Uncle Sam!" Ben is pretty non-committal about Uncle Sam. I don't know whether he senses the ridiculousness of the "Sam Situation" or if he's just freaked out by strangers waving at him, but today he put me in my place.

H: Look, Ben! There's Uncle Sam. He's waving at us.
B: He's waving at everyone, Mommy. (yes, he used THAT tone.)
H: Sure. Wave to him.
B: No way. He's scary and pooo-key (spooky).
H: Why is he scary? It's friendly to wave at people (by now we've driven down the road and are long past Uncle Sam).
B: That is not my Uncle, Mom. I'm NEVER waving to him. I'm gonna send the Ninja Turtles and Planet Heroes to pie-ya him. I won't even look again.

So there, Liberty Tax Service. You will not be our tax man, nor will you be our uncle.

World's Slowest Sweatshop

2008-01-23T17:46:00.000-06:00

After months of good intentions, I have finally decided to launch a little mommy cottage industry. I'll be cranking out less-than-expertly made baby/toddler items that non-sewers seem to love (ooohh.. maybe THAT's my slogan). I've been making baby blankets with big fuzzy initials for a few people and will add some little jumpers, dresses, overalls (with big, silly ruffles at the ankle for girls), pants, maybe some appliqued onesies if I am inspired. Once I have a few samples made, I'll launch a separate blog that will post photos of the items and allow people to order, etc.

All of this began when one of my Kindermusik babies attended class last week in a darling little jumper. Then I went to a local "mom and pop" fabric store and found the most adorable Valentine's Day fabric. I decided that Baby Hannah clearly needed one... ok, so maybe this all began when Katie had a baby girl almost a year ago.... Anyway, here's the dress:

front view

back view

When I delivered the dress to Katie and Hannah on Monday, I got my first order from another mom in class. Watch out Baby Gap... here comes:

Pink Elephant
The World's Slowest Sweatshop

-or-

Pink Elephant
Less-Than-Expertly-Made-Baby/Toddler-Items that Non-sewers Seem to Love

-or-- maybe just:

Pink Elephant

Pink Elephant is now online at: http://www.pinkelephantbaby.blogspot.com

Root Canals, Jesus in a Box, and on and on

2008-01-19T12:29:00.000-06:00

What a week (and a couple of days). Allow me to recap...

Thursday (January 10th): The beginning. Ben was up all night (Wednesday into Thursday) crying. It was a BAD flashback to early babyhood. If our baby had been possessed by the devil. Thursday 8:30 AM: Heather goes in to the dentist for a filling and ends up having a ROOT CANAL. Later the same day, Ben goes into the pediatrician and we find out he is not the devil, but has a nasty ear infection. Drugs for everyone. (Heather's: anti-anxiety for the dentist visit, pain meds for after the ROOT CANAL. Ben: good old "orange" antibiotic).

Friday/Saturday: Hang out days. We all recover. Ben and Heather go to the gym with Ben's girlfriend Olivia and her mom.

Sunday: Ben feels better. We know this because Ben talks non-stop for 3 hours and demands his parents pretend to be Daphne, Velma, Donatello, Leonardo, a random knight, a hippo, and that they play with him and pay attention to him ALL THE TIME. By 3:00, Don and Heather are looking online and in the phone book for sleep away boarding preschools.

Monday/Tuesday: Beginning of a new Kindermusik semester. Ben goes to school, we settle back into a "real" routine.

Wednesday: Heather wins "Parent of the Year" award and is happy to announce that her only competition for "Parent of the Decade" is Brittney Spears. Heather spent the day in bed or on the couch contemplating death by sinus infection while she prompted her child to drag a step stool to the pantry and to help himself (Costco bag of Cheetos, anyone?). She then buys the Ninja Turtle movie (PG rating) off the On Demand feature on the cable box and tells him to close his door to watch so the dogs don't eat all the Cheetos. MORE DRUGS: Heather-- Z-pack for a sinus infection, Tylenol Cold & Sinus to sleep, etc.. (hence the good parenting).

Thursday: Freaking snow day. You've gotta be kidding me. Thursday was supposed to be "Heather takes Ben to school and sleeps all day... you know a "sick day". 6:00 AM? No school. So, Thursday was a slightly less inappropriate version of Wednesday. Ben became quite proficient at bringing EVERY TOY HE OWNS into the bedroom and piling them up so we could play without me leaving my pillow. If only he could learn to open the fridge and bring me a Diet Coke.

Friday: PRAISE THE Z-PACK. With the exception of a head cold, I have been healed. I'm gonna start calling Zythromax "Jesus in a Box", 'cause its healing powers are miraculous. With Baby Linus in tow, we made it to open gym and Ben had a haircut. We even went out to dinner like real people last night.

One funny from the week:

Wednesday, we had to go to Target to pick up the Jesus in a Box. When we got there, I realized the pharmacy was closed for lunch, so we had to kill 30 minutes in Target. Normally, that is easy, but when you feel like your face is going to explode, it's more complicated. We went to the toy aisle and I told Ben he could play. Then, I told him he could choose ANY toy he wanted and we'd take it home. This immense toy power, coupled with the Cheetos freedom, mixed with being allowed to do whatever he wanted because no one was really paying attention led him to the following sweet comment:

B: (climbs into bed with me and pats my head) Mommy, you know what, Mommy?
H: what?
B: (kisses my forehead) Well, Mommy.... (gets very close to my face... kisses my forehead again).... I just LOVE your sick days.

ValPac Value of the week

2008-01-07T19:24:00.000-06:00

While thumbing through the ValPac Coupons that arrived in the mail today, one particular coupon really caught my eye.

Do you see that magical green box? Guess where I'll be on Wednesday at 9:00AM... (it does say, "All Day.")

Wife, Mother, Cranio-Facial Surgeon

2008-01-04T21:35:00.000-06:00

Ah, the fine print in a job description. I thought I had pretty much figured out the day to day duties in my job as "Mom to Ben." Then my tyrant of a boss (he's 3) decided to dump a bunch of new responsibilities on me for the new year. I am NOT getting the salary I deserve. I mean, I spend a portion of my week having conversations with someone else's poop.

My new responsibilities include but are not limited to:

Master Storyteller/ Plot Enhancer: Ben's new favorite thing to do in the car is to make up stories. Non-stop. We were in the car for 25 minutes and he talked without stopping. If you don't hang on his every word and respond with the proper phrases, there is hell to pay.
B: Mom, you start.
H: Once upon a time...
B: There was a girl, a girl, and a boy. Their names-es were Daphne, Velma, and Ben. WHAT'S NEXT, MOMMY.
H: It was cold outside, so they decided...
B: to go to Starbuck's in the Mystery Machine.
H: So they started to drive...
B: No, Mom. They didn't. Listen to me.
H: Sorry.
B: They went inside... the good one... on Metcalf... they ordered their drinks. Daphne had a latte. Velma and Ben had cheeseburgers.
H: I don't think they have cheeseburgers at Starbuck's.
B: Well, Mommy. It's my story. They had cheeseburgers.

SUCKER!!!: In grocery stores, at Target, Costco, Borders, the gas station... I must cave to any request quickly, no matter how reasonable/unreasonable. It is the reason we have a new pop up Dinosaur book (see cranio-facial surgeon below), Scooby Doo push up pop frozen treats, and a horde of plastic "toys" (crap) in various toy bins and baskets around the house. It might also explain the 4 identical Lightning McQueen matchbox cars.

Telepathic Butler: I feel like Anne Hathaway in The Devil Wears Prada. In my house, the Devil wears Baby Gap. I should know which Scooby Doo he wants (from helpful descriptions like, "the one where Daphne falls down..), when he might want a snack, exactly how many Goldfish crackers to put in the Cars bowl, and on, and on, and on. He's not demanding, he knows what he wants. Right.

Omniscient Professor of the following (it is unacceptable for me to not know everything about any of the categories below. If I don't know them, I better make them up quickly--- and then remember what I made up so I can give the same answer when he requests it again later the same day):
--Scooby Doo (including, but not limited to: Scooby Doo, Where Are You, What's New Scooby Doo?, A Pup Named Scooby Doo, any/all Scooby Doo full-length movie features, all Scooby characters-- including ages, parents' names, hobbies)

--Dinosaurs

--Perfect Strangers: Why random people at stoplights are driving the cars they are driving, where they are going, their names, their kids' names, their pets, when we'll see them again, etc. It also includes knowing the details about people around us in stores (why are they buying that, Mommy?), at restaurants, and on and on and on.

Cranio-Facial Surgeon/ Archaeologist: Tonight, my most pressing task was to repair the pop up head off a Tyrannosaurus Rex from a Dinosaur book he chose from Border's earlier in the evening. It took scrapbooking paper glue, 5 paper clips, a fair amount of swearing, and about 15 minutes. That's when I realized that the top of his head was no longer aligned to his lower jaw and had to tear it all apart and start over. I am pleased to report that after another surgery, the patient is resting comfortably and will be ready to terrorize one and all by morning.

Maybe if I work really hard, I'll get a nice mid-year bonus.... or a few vacation days.

And some of you people wonder why I haven't had a second?

Jinkies! You're crazy.

2007-12-31T13:44:00.000-06:00

It turns out that another genetic trait Ben may have gotten from me is the crazy gene. While probably not severe enough for any formal diagnosis, I'm sure that we both are a little right of normal when it comes to certain obsessive behaviors. You know, like me wanting to sleep with a piece of cookware (see that post here). Ben's obsession has been going on for quite awhile. He is completely consumed by all things Scooby Doo.

He knows all their names, facts about the Mystery Machine, and random details about the mysteries solved in every episode he's watched. Their lingo has found its way into his daily vocabulary--- "Zoinks!" "Jinkies, Mommy." "Rut-roh."

For some reason, he is particularly attached to Velma. (Note: ANY comments about boys liking girls who are like their mothers will result in severe consequences.) Not pretty, stylish Daphne, but dumpy, smart Velma. Hmmm....

We've been living with the running conversation surrounding Scooby Doo:
B: Mom, do you know what I'm going to say to Velma, Mom?
H: What, Ben?
B: Well, one question. I'm going to tell her a question.
H: What question are you going to ASK her?
B: Well. I'm gonna say, "Velma, I love you."
(re-read this 10 or 15 times in a row. Occasionally, you can replace "Velma, I love you." with "Wanna go to Starbuck's with the gang?" That's what it's like to ride in the car with us these days.)

Last night, I realized the obsession may have gone over the line. You know, like those strung out heroin junkies on "Real Life" on MTV or the people confronted with an A&E camera crew on "Intervention" who have hit rock bottom and suddenly realize they need help? Here's how it went...

Before I go into the story, I should warn you. It's bathroom humor. Literally. It's a poop story.

While doing his evening business, Ben was telling me a story about "The Gang" and how they were going to ride snow mobiles. Just then, the child deposited two huge turds into the toilet. Now, this is always a proud moment in our house... he has to check them out, determine which is bigger, discuss if they float or sink (I'm not making this up).
B: Wow! That's some BIIIIIIIIIIIIIG poop.
H: Yep.
B: (sounding as excited as Christmas morning) Mommy, look, it's Daphne and Velma. Hi, Daphne! Hi, Velma! (suddenly concerned) Are you guys going away forever?
H: (flushes)
B: (looking in the toilet) Bye, girls. I will miss you. (sad face) Mommy, they're gone forever. Flushed away.

Maybe "Promises" has a rehab wing for obsessed fans. In a joint New Year's Resolution, maybe Ben and I can work on dialing down the crazy.

What's for Dinner: Beer Braised BBQ Chicken

2007-12-28T20:33:00.000-06:00

For quite some time, I have been coveting a specific piece of cookware, but have been much too cheap to buy it. Imagine my delight when it arrived in a box from my Aunt Nancy! Don was pretty sure I had completely lost it because I sat on the couch hugging it for a long time after opening the box. He drew the line when I wondered aloud if it would be wrong to put it next to my pillow when I went to bed that night. After tonight's dinner, he may want it on his nightstand!

Below is the recipe for Beer Braised BBQ Chicken. Aunt Nancy made it for dinner one night when we were in Florida and inadvertently began my Le Creuset obsession. Now, I'm not saying you HAVE to own the 5 1/2Qt. Round Oven to successfully make this dish, but.... I did make it once before and it was WAY better tonight. (I usually remember to take a picture of my version, but we were so excited to dig in that I forgot until we had already finished eating.)

Beer-Braised Barbecued Chicken from Williams Sonoma
In our version of barbecued chicken, the chicken is first braised on the stove top until tender in a flavorful combination of beer and barbecue sauce, then quickly grilled just before serving. Use only thighs, drumsticks and wings for this recipe; chicken breasts will turn out dry when braised and grilled.
4 lb. chicken thighs, drumsticks and wings
Salt and freshly ground pepper, to taste
4 Tbs. canola oil
2 yellow onions, sliced 1/4 inch thick
1 1/4 cups ale or lager-style beer
2 1/2 cups barbecue sauce

Season the chicken with salt and pepper. In a Dutch oven over medium-high heat, warm 3 Tbs. of the oil until almost smoking. Working in batches, brown the chicken on all sides, about 3 minutes per side. Transfer to a platter.

Add the remaining 1 Tbs. oil to the pan along with the onions. Cook, stirring occasionally, until softened, 5 to 7 minutes.

Stir in the beer and barbecue sauce and bring to a boil. Add the chicken, reduce the heat to low, cover and cook until tender, about 1 hour.

Using tongs, transfer the chicken to a baking sheet and let cool to room temperature. Meanwhile, bring the sauce to a simmer over medium-high heat and simmer until thickened, about 30 minutes. Pour the sauce into a shallow bowl and let cool to lukewarm, about 30 minutes.

Preheat an indoor electric grill on medium-high heat. Brush the chicken on both sides with some of the sauce. Grill the chicken, turning once and brushing occasionally with more sauce, until nicely grill-marked, about 3 minutes per side. Transfer the chicken to a platter and brush with more sauce.
Serves 4.

Holiday Hangover

2007-12-27T23:45:00.001-06:00

Boy, do we have a case of Holiday Hangover at this house. I don't think kids who spend Spring Break in Mexico have this level of difficulty, pain, and suffering returning to normal. The harsh reality of day-to-day living (even with a plethora of new toys) has been full of grouchiness, unreasonable demands, and tantrums. It goes something like this...

As soon as he wakes up (since December 19):
B: When do I open presents today, Mommy?
Since December 25th:
H: We're all done opening presents.
B: What? (wails loudly) No presents? I don't get ANY presents? Oh, I'm am SO SAD. (cries uncontrollably for 5-15 minutes)

After recovering from not opening presents:
B: I want chocolate.
H: Chocolate milk? Sure.
B: NO. I want kisses or candy presents. I want CANDY.

Today at Target:
B: WAAAAAAHHHHHHH (serious crying, tears, sobbing, choking, more crying)
H: What's wrong?
B: Harper and Abby don't have any presents. They have no toys.

Yes, the holiday season has left us with a candy-seeking, on-the-road-to-juvenile-diabetes, crying, blubbering, tired child. Where is that darn Santa when I need him most?

Since Thanksgiving, I've been using the "Santa camera" (Santa Cam) as a way to encourage good behavior. As in, "Oh my gosh, Ben. You better follow directions... the Santa Cams are on." --or-- "Do you see that white thing in the ceiling (at Target... it's totally a fire sprinkler)? That's a Santa Cam. He's watching here, too."

I sure hope those Santa Cams have been disconnected or Santa is going to become the "Re-po" man and take back the cool stuff he brought. And, I hope that doesn't happen because I think Don and I are having more fun with Ben's crash car race track than Ben is.

In an effort to return some "normal" to our house, I took down all the Christmas stuff today. Ok, it's also because I can't stand to look at that stuff even a day after Christmas and the fact that it's the 27th and it was still up was making my eye twitch.

As I pulled the garland off the entertainment center, Ben looked up and said, "Well, down with Christmas."

I couldn't agree more.